Life In The Fast Lane

Have I been obsessing much lately about celebrities? How lame am I?! Well I promise this will not turn into a blog gossiping about famous people doing famous people things and who's knocked up and who's smoking the weeds and who looks like a tranny crack ho. Actually, I can't promise the tranny crack ho thing, but the other stuff I swear to sweet baby jebus I'll get a real life and not talk about it so much anymore. It's just that I'm bored with summer and really HAVE no life and doing actual work means doing actual work.

So I bring you more useless celebrity pictures, because you're currently sitting at your computer scarfing down Ring-Dings, playing Diamond Mine, wondering what movie you should rent this weekend and if it's gonna be General Tso's Chicken or the dollar quesadillas at Taco bell. Admit it, bitches.

I'm not sure why these peeps got slammed for these following outfits, because I think they're kind of made of awesome? Maybe I'm getting old and have no sense of style anymore. Maybe it's time to invest in some Easy Spirits. Or maybe everyone else is wrong and I'm always right. I think I'll roll with that answer.

Claire Danes in a vintage-inspired little number. I could do without the tulle flounce jutting out at the sides ready for takeoff, but still cute, no?



As much as I think JLo is not as muy caliente as miss fancybritches thinks she is, this sweater dress is so very "Mad Men Super Secretary Sluts". In a good way. What you can't see is the wicked bad pit sweat rings, which proves that JLo is not indeed a Latina fembot hose beast after all:



Rumer Willis is kind of a not-very-celebrity celebrity, she does look like a non deserving Jessica Rabbit and I loves me this satin gown. But not the dangerously close to falling off the cliff boob rolls, though:



The girl got shredded for hearkening to her country bumpkin days, but that's the whole reason it's great. DUH.:



And you know who SHOULD have had a new cornhole ripped for them? These idiots:

Ok so I don't hate Gwyneth, and she's rocked some impressively bad-yet-somehow-good wardrobe choices, so she gets my props. What I do NOT prop, however, is her fanatical super vegan, yoga will save your soul, hemp clothing for all! lifestyle, but I guess not everyone is cut out for a diet of Marlboros and Diet Coke:



What the hell? Is she wearing a Depends under there? And I thought *I* was getting old.

Last but not least, the king of douchbaggery. I cannot even say his name out loud or he will rise from the ashes with even more power than ever and smite us all.



DUDE. No one should wear this unless you're a wealthy 1920's southern land owner. Or this guy: