Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Beat It

Late last night I was outside in my yard in the dark doing something incredibly Mischievous and Secretive (taking out the trash) when I saw out of the corner of my eye a *something* that made *some kind of noise*. If this happened during the day it wouldn't have been so freaky, because then it's generally crazy out there and noisy and the traffic and the oy vey. But at night it's a different world out there and every dirtbag and scuzzbucket (hello, Police Academy 2) is walking the street talking to themselves and doing god knows what. Not saying that I live in a bad area, but it ain't no Little House on the Prairie. Pa didn't tag the building in the vacant lot next door, did he? Which I think would be great fun if you were walking down the street and you saw "Ingalls Family Represent!" spray painted on the overpass. And there are actually sneakers hanging from the telephone lines outside. Really, sneakers?! I thought you only saw that crap on Terribly Cliched 70's Sitcoms in the Inner City like Good Times or Welcome Back Kotter. I mean really, who throws sneakers over the line these days?! And I checked. They aren't lame-yet-wonderful vintage 70's kicks either, but those horrid white vinyl ones with velcro that your mom bought from Kmart in the 80's thinking you'd like them, only to find that only the "poor kids" wore those and now you want to die of embarrassment, thanks mom, you ruined my life! Yeah, THOSE kind of sneakers.

But I digress. The noise in the yard, right. So I'm thinking, a Nope. It was a freaking SKUNK. Really, a skunk?! I mean really, this isn't the area or place for a skunk to be all hanging out. And IS there a place for a skunk to hang out? A skunk habitat? That would be a gross place to work and who loves skunks so much that they'd want to hang out with them on the farm all day? Freaks. So I froze in place, because apparently in my mind they can't see you if you stand still. But he looked at me and I looked at him and I was holding my breath out of sheer scaredy-catness and did I mention he was about 3 feet from me? And what was running through my head was all those things you learned in elementary school "stop, drop and roll!", "just say no!", "don't be a fool, stay in school!"...and nothing was getting me through this Very Tragic Moment In My Life and there is no Lifetime movie about encountering evil skunks. So then I get mad, like who do you think YOU are skunk? And my fightin' defenses kick in and I'm thinking that the stripes on a skunk are pretty cool actually, and perhaps Cruella deVille was right.


Imagine my excitement to find this sucker~ it's a PIN that has PERFUME inside and I had the *same one* when I was a kid in the 80's and I thought I was fan-CEE. It smelled god awful, but think how cool you'd feel, wearing it on your Michael Jackson tee shirt (I still have it!), flipping it open and rubbing your finger over that little circle of concentrated evil.

You can buy it from JewelsByDesign. You'll smell like 6 bucks.

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