Lucy In Disguise With Diamonds.

I bet you'll never guess who this is! If you guess it right away, then la-dee-freaking-da. But if you don't, don't feel bad. It took me a minute of staring at these pics before I had to accept the fact that it wasn't a drag queen.






It's Kathy Griffin! No, seriously, it's Kathy Griffin. Doing what every celebrity does at some point to either jump-start their sagging career or as a wacky act of doing something "unique"-the Bettie Page/pinup photo shoot. Photography done by Mike Ruiz, who is totally brill with a camera. I loove his work, it's very moody and sometimes dark and sometimes retro, but all done very well. You can check out his portfolio on his website Mike Ruiz Photography.

And I'm not hatin' on Kathy. I used to really like her back in the day when she was just a nerdy girl doing her nerdy thang, and didn't shove in your face how "D-list" she is, like she does know. We get it, Kathy, you're a slightly crappy actress and comedienne. You know how we know that? Because you tell us every chance you get how you're a slightly crappy actress and comedienne. (Though I'm slightly annoyed for having the exact same hair as me!) If she hasn't been airbrushed to death then her body rocks and the pics are pretty damn good! Still, at the end of the day, "Kathy Griffin" and "sexy, lingerie photo shoot" go together about as well as "scrape my eyes with a fork" and "lemon juice."

Graveyard Stomp

G is for George smothered under a rug.



G is also for ghastly.

I genuinely really like these famous peeps, I do. But...what the hell happened to them? Oy. And also vey.

If you could see feelings, this is what all of mine would look like:



I really like Miss Love, seriously. Remember her "comeback" with the super cute platinum bob and the rockin' bod? I want to see her like that again. Tell her to call me, we'll have cawfee, we'll tawlk, no big whoop.



Same goes for Winehouse here. Love her voice, love her style (before it got all homeless chic), love her 'do (when she gave a rat's ass about it). She's another that needs a scrub-down and a comeback. And a bar of soap and an ass-kick and intervention and a hug, in that order.



I genuinely don't really like these guys, not so much. I'm not sure why. Anger needs no explanation, so take it.

Looking exactly like a new mom should: all painted up with supersized unnecessary whoreyness and a side of skank for the road:



I have no words. Oh wait, yes I do: ENOUGH ALREADY, MADONNA. Sweet jumping jebus, we GET it. And PS. Can someone inform her that the Lolita thing hasn't been ironic and cute since about '93. But thanks for trying too hard.



Ghastly, on a "WTF?!" level: Miley is 15, her BF is 20. Really? That's called illegal where I'm from, but I guess in Kentucky that's called over-the-hill.



Look how glamorous Jamie Lynn makes teenage pregnancy look and not at all tired, run down, haggard, and like a last-call 1:59 a.m. bar hag. It looks like someone superimposed the head of a Denny's 3rd shift waitress onto her body, only with better hair. I didn't realise not getting knocked up was that hard. Is it wrong to wish that 99.9% of celebrities should not be allowed to breed? Because when I'm dictator, that's exactly what my first order of action will be. Angelina, I'm looking in your general direction.



Speaking of mandatory sterilization...



No jazz hands were harmed during the writing of this blog.