Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Way-Out Wednesday: The Pork Is Mightier Than The Sword.

Welcome to another (better late than never) Way-Out Wednesday!


Now that the holiday season is officially all up in our grill, it's time to start thinking about buying presents for our ingrate friends and family again! Ho ho ho, dammit. (Side note: for the record, it's impossible to feel anything remotely resembling "jolly" or "in the holiday spirit" when you're in an aisle at Walgreen's that simultaneously has 75% off Halloween crap that 4 people with shopping carts are wildly digging about, competing for squeeze tubes of fake blood and bags of Spongebob gummy eyeballs as if they're the last ones on earth while the other side of the aisle is lined with an army of stuffed chihuahuas singing "Feliz Navidad" and boxes of the sad little Christmas tree from Charlie Brown. Also: Longest. Run-on. Ever.)


This year I'm making an effort to get everyone extra special, extra weird Christmas presents. I have a few eccentric artiste friends who still rock it old school by, like, using a typewriter or getting all classy on my ass with calligraphy pens or even sending letters in the mail type of old school. So today's pick for Way-Out Wednesday ain't vintage (sorry) and it ain't clowns (you're welcome, Inky) but it is pretty way-out, as far as conventional and modern products go. Do you know any writers? Anyone with a gift for gab, a penchant for the pen, a way with words? (Bloggers don't count. I'm talking about real writers. Ha!) Writers who also like, well, meat? If so, they may just dig this, in 3 words:


Bacon. Flavored. Envelopes. Seriously. It's a must. I'm dying to know what manner of bacon of which it resembles- pork bacon tastes totally different than turkey bacon, which is in a whole other zip code from veggie bacon. Has anyone heard of the bacon envelopes or maybe even tried it? If so, please report in! (Everyone else, report back in when you're done retching, no rush. Swine-flavored paper products can do that to a person.)

Pack of 25 Bacon Flavored Envelopes are available on the website J&D's, whose motto is "Everything Should Taste Like Bacon". They sell Bacon Salt (good idea) and Baconnaise, some sort of spreadable bacon (maybe not such a good idea), if bacon flavored envelopes aren't quite weird enough for you.


  1. wow, a personalized blog entry mention ;) I am VERY flattered that my clown phobia is acknowledged!! and Yay, Bacon!! i <3 Bacon!! Bacon Bacon Bacon.

  2. So, does one need to eat eggs sunny side up and toast prior to licking the bacon-flavored envelope flap?

    If you get a paper cut from this envelope, is it like rubbing salt in an open wound?

    What if you received a written missive inside a bacon-flavored envelope from a disturbing clown?

    Wait, disregard the last - can't sleep, clown will mail me letters smelling of breakfast...