Sunday, July 5, 2009

Song Sung Blue

Today we're going to take an in-depth look at the neglected and unloved home life of the vintage knit and crocheted afghan in it's natural, depressing habitat. Please keep all limbs inside the vehicle at all times. Do not feed, taunt, poke, mock, breath near or look at the afghans, as they have been known to throw fits of rage, and in rare occasions, try to sneak inside your handbag and make it's way into your home and onto your bed.

So without further ado, let's start the tour. Please enjoy today's lesson in:

The Sadness of Blankets.


We start our tour with the early stages of Afghan Neglect, as can be seen in this vintage 1948 Spinnerin instruction manual. The afghan starts out in life colorful and vibrant, unobtrusive in design, and quite possibly wrapped around it's owner on a cold winter's day on a rocking chair. But that life would soon begin it's decline to a much more sad and lowly outcome, which we will later witness...


Eventually, the blanket unknowingly becomes so annoying, so obtrusive in it's unearthly way of not matching a thing in the room, that even the fake floral arrangement tries to escape.


But instead of reflecting on it's offensiveness in dark corners of the room or stashed away in armoires, some blankets have been known to turn into bullies, violent toward it's fellow room decor such as bowls of wax fruit, and often times taking a hostage in a last-ditch attempt to be loved.


In some instances, a night of Jim Croce and and too many boxes of wine can turn a then good idea of Matching Afghan Fashion into guilt-laden "morning afters", and in the most extreme of cases, can cause a person to heave themselves out of a window, ending their life of shame and embarrassment.


For the most vile and unwilling to play with others, a few blankets meet their unfortunate death by getting speared in the gut by the very loom that made them, as seen in this vintage 1966 Spinnerin instruction manual, a perfect example of survival of the fittest in the Afghan Kingdom. A terrible ending, indeed, however...none as horrible, so terribly sad and depressing as...


...ending up at it's owner's yard sale for a buck.

I hope you enjoyed today's tour, and please join us next time, when we'll take a look at the Sadness of Souvenirs.

"Song Sung Blue" by Neil Diamond.

1 comment:

  1. We always had so many of these around the house when I was growing up. They were draped over pretty much everything.