Friday, January 30, 2009

All That Meat & No Potatoes

Round 2 of more delicious recipes, 1950's style! Deliciousness not guaranteed. In fact, it's pretty much understood that most recipes from the 50's should never be eaten, under any circumstance.

This time, the fun continues with 1959's cookbook called How to Become a Cookout Champion: Win with these New Bar-B-Tricks. Please note: there are no interesting "tricks" for meat and you will never become a champion of the cookout. Your macho friends will mock you mercilessly, call you Mary and put you in charge of putting doilies underneath everyone's beer cans while they're watching the foosball match and fixing carburetors. (That is what manly men do, right?)


While I fully support the swell silver tinfoil cover, I do not condone the khaki slacks, blue socks, matching blue Keds and those Judy Garland-approved eyebrows. But why no meat on the grill? And why is lubing up the grill with ketchup? This bbq is off to an awesome start.


Men like meat on sticks, true dat. Adding tofu circles is questionable. And nothing says "crazy summer fun with the boys" like serving a hot cup of coffee.


Serving shit in hollowed-out melons and breadbowls and the like is so hokey it makes me a little stabby, but I guess in the 50's and 60's it was a novel, ca-razay par-tay trick. So I'm not hatin'. Except on another page of the cookbook, all of the dishes are served on ice in a wheelbarrow. Aww, how cutesy-tootsie. I'm pretty sure any man who served his meat-on-sticks in a gardening appliance at a party would get his ass kicked into next week. Except perhaps if he served it while riding the lawnmower. Wheelbarrow presentation is right up there on the hokiness scale, next to toilet bowl planters in the front yard.

But can I just address the beverage choice? Squirt. SQUIRT. "Wherever there's Squirt...there's fun"? I BET there is. A man must have written that ad, because I'm pretty sure no woman would find anything squirting in her general vicinity to be a good time. And sure as hell not in the punch bowl.


  1. I like Squirt. So there =)

    I love to cook out and in my life have burnt my share of burgers and steaks mastering the art.

    Seeing the fruit type punch being made out of a watermelon reminds me of "Wapatoole" the old trick of hollowing out a water melon and filling it w/ fruit soaked in Ever Clear, which is just legal moonshine. Christ, on the bottle there is a warning about over consumption possibly causing blindness. Tried it once hated it, would never touch it again. Ever clear is almost pure wood grain alcohol.

    The burgers on a stick look tasty though, Ill admit.

    With this winter being as brutal as it is, cooking out seems like it is still eons away yet.

    What ya doin' this weekend?

  2. You know what else causes blindness? Too much self "squirting". Hey-yo!

  3. Woah, hey now, that can cause retina damage or so Ive been told.

    So, where are you finding all these old cookbooks online, you just using good ole Google?

  4. You are killin' me. I'm supposed to be crabby, and I'm sitting here laughing.

  5. Oh Lisa, you just like me for my body. ;)