Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Run Rudolph Run

Hi, my name is Kim and it's been 21 minutes since I've re-gifted. Can we talk about re gifting, just for a sec? Is it always totally tacky or is it sometimes acceptable to do for someone you feel rather "meh" about and deep down inside you're only giving them a present because you sort of have to? I need to know if I'm tacky. DO TELL. Here's the scenario: I'm all done shopping for my ungrateful friends and family. I'm even done with all those random people you forget about until the last minute (teachers, in-laws, kids, whatever.) And then it dawned on me this morning that I forgot the mailman. And screw you political correctness, he's a man who delivers my mail. I'm not calling him my "mail carrier" or "postal worker". BALLS. TO. THAT.

So I re-gifted that mofo. I re-gifted him good. I heard him on my porch, delivering the mail, as that's what he does, DUH, so I opened up the door in a grand, sweeping, dramatic and actually kid of retarded sort of way that scared the bejesus outta him and handed him an envelope, while I nervously mumbled some stupid crap and went back inside. (Why was I nervous?) The guy looked so happy and thanked me and Merry Xmas-ed me and almost skipped back to his little truck and drove off. Oh CRAP. He's happy. Too happy. Probably thinks I put cash in there. I did not. What I did out in there is a $20 gift card to a local pizza joint that a friend of mine gave me, but it's been sitting here for a month and I never get to that part of town, so screw you Vinny D's Pizza, I will not eat in your fine Italian establishment. And now I know why I'm nervous~ because it's a garbage present, isn't it?! That was a totally lame gift I gave the dude! What if he's lactose-intolerant? What if his family has a century-long beef with the Vinny D family, due to the pasta sauce delivery incident of 1923? Why would I think that was a good gift? Just because I would enjoy a gift card to a food place doesn't mean the world would. I can't ever face him again. I guess I'm going to have to move to a new town, where they don't know me as a lame gift-giver. Again. My love of cheese has gotten me into another fine mess.


  1. Eh, I dont think what you did was all that bad really. As long as this pizza place wasnt known for making people sick or anything.

    I wouldve gifted my mailman here but he looks like Layne Staley a little too much and that makes me either wanna vomit or kick him in the face, so Im being a judgmental bastard and not giving him anything, not to mention the mail is never delivered by this guy before fuckin 4 PM.


  2. I'm a total obsessive, neurotic, over-thinker when it comes to stuff like this! Oh well. One more holiday down, 4 million more to go and freak about. Yippee!

  3. Nah, dont let it bug ya Kim, what ya did wasnt that dang bad, for reals.

    Id forgive ya =)