Last week I woke up to see first thing in the morning that my hanging flower baskets were MISSING. Gone. Kaput. Which would mean that someone with balls of steel crept up onto my porch in the middle of the night with the PORCH LIGHT ON (100 watts, bitches!) and stole 2 heavy baskets of flowers. (!!!). Really?! Who DOES that?! Well that's just mean. I don't live on the wrong side of the tracks or anything... but it certainly ain't the right side of the tracks either. I'm sort of in the middle of the tracks. I'm the Switzerland of the tracks, tempting my neighbors with my delicious cheese products and hot chocolates and fancy watches. And hanging flower baskets. (Really?!) It was probably Those Damn Teenagers at it again, hopped up on their Tab and Wham records and Garbage Pail Kids trading cards.
Funny thing though, the asshats did me a favor, because the flowers were half dead. I suppose forgetting to water them over a weekend of 95 degree heat will do that, go figure. So the JOKE'S ON YOU, loser flower stealers. But of all things to steal, you're gonna go for crunchy brown flowers?! (Really?!) Winners. Hope your mom's happy with the WORST PRESENT EVER you gave her.
I'm gonna be nerdy here for a second (like I stop) and admit I'm a total gardening junkie (hard to wrap your brain around that, isn't it? Me, all Martha Stewart-y on your ass). I have a veggie garden and pots of herbs- not the gonj kind of herb, you dorks, but the basil and oregano kind. Would that not have been much more lovely a gift to steal for your mom? But I guess dead flowers works too. (Really?!) Or how about this: DON'T STEAL AT ALL. Unless it's my neighbors stuff, then have at it.
Since I have no porch flowers to look at anymore, these floral prints will just HAVE to do I guess. These last longer anyway, right? Whatever. I'm still grumpy about the whole Incident of Porch Theft. (Positivity IS my strong suit, don'tcha know!).
From me at Fast Eddie's Retro Rags:
50's SWIRL flower print wrap dress with crazy huge pink heart pockets
Just kill me with cuteness already. I'm crazy over this mother-son 60's Hawaiian set from Denisebrain:
So sweet and purdy, 50's black & white floral flocked party dress from Couture Allure:
Posts
Each and every floral item To Die For. Evidently that's how someone feels about your hanging baskets.
ReplyDeleteMy neighbor came over to my house and yelled at me over my dog!
ReplyDeleteI have a dog that I can't keep in my yard. I have tried everything and she always finds a way out. Anyway, this lady comes to my home, knocks on my door and when i open the door she points her finger at me and yells obscenities at me. Apparently my dog was in HER neighbors garbage and then pooped on HER NEIGHBORS LAWN! Why didn't she come and talk to me like a civil human being? Why was she a vicious monster attacking me at my door? I calmly went over to HER NEIGHBORS house where the garbage was and picked up every piece, and the dog poop. I agree that I have that responsibility to clean up after my dog. The one thing I don't agree upon is someone coming to my house and screaming in my face about something I didn't know about. Is anyone out there been blessed with a psyco-neighbor?
I don't think anyone remembers the golden rule...Do unto others as you would want done unto you!
I sent them a lovely card from this site I found...www.URAJerk.com