Oh, Spinnerin. I love you so. They're like crack to me, so full of the crazy. For those not in the know, vintage Spinnerin manuals are pattern & instruction booklets for making various kinds of crap by knitting it into a sweater. The sweaters themselves aren't what's nuts about them, in fact, the sweaters usually kick all kinds of ass and I would hoard them all if I had them in real life. It's the photo documentaries of the
models in them that are so ridiculously stupid and make no sense. That makes them
wonderful. I've mocked vintage Spinnerin magazines here before- I wouldn't say I'm totally obsessed with them, only
slightly. There's a difference.
Here's another great,
1966's Spinnerin: His & Hers, so now the crazy comes in female AND male form! Great. First, the cover.
Ooh, a summer scene! This should be fun AND fitting, since it's also summer! Yay! Ok. So. Let's see, what have we got here...Middle of the summer? Established that. Green murky water? I suppose. Maybe it's a lake. They get a pass, I suppose. Standing in green murky water with pants on? Umm, I guess...? What is that, like some random folding chair sitting in the water? Wha...? How very white trash of them. Fuzzy mohair sweaters in the middle of summer?!...Really?!
This is why you can't screw with the upper class.
Man: "I can't believe the Johnsons are yachting on the same day we are! How
gauche. We can't take ours out
now."
Woman: "And would you look at Edith! She looks positively
ghastly in that pantsuit. It looks like 200 pounds of chewed-up gum shoved into double knit. So I guess using an entire can of Aqua Net to keep my beehive in place was for nothing. Damn that Edith. That
cow."
Man: "That's alright dear. I've cut their gas lines, emptied their water coolers, broke their oars
AND it looks like a storm is rolling in! And I've just stolen their only life preserver! Mwuhahahaha!..."
The cigarette is the only thing
right with this picture.
So...I guess we're not on the lake anymore? Where the hell are they
now? And why do the women keep changing? Does Captain Tightslacks have a broad stashed at every port, literally? Spinnerin, you lost me.
"Listen to this, honey! There's an echo when I yell down your sweater!
Hello down there?! Hello!--o!-o!-o!-o!-..."
Ironically, the page is titled "Paired to Perfection." Ha!
Aaaaaand we're back on the water with the redhead now? That was fast. Captain Tightslacks prefers his women with a big rack, I take it? Soooo...a table in the middle of the lake? Perfectly reasonable.
"Where is my Mind" by the Pixies.
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