Cold As Ice

Lots of rainy days mean lots of indoor jobs and fix-its and crap I'd rather not do, thankyouverymuch. But when you have a home-based job, the projects and messes stare you down. Even if you try to escape it by walking into another room, that room sucks and needs cleaning up too. Its a no-win sitch. People assume that if you work from home, your house should be the epitome of Better Homes and Gardens perfection, a sparkling, twinkling delight that whiffs of Lysol and bleach. Somehow, my house is more out of order now that I'm home all day than when I had a "real" job in the real world. Believe me, I'd love to be like Martha Stewart, minus the jail time. After 4 years of doing this, you'd think I'd have a routine down by now and have my shit together yet somehow, I still lack in the "shit getting together" department. I'm working on it. One day I'll have it all together: a spotless house, a well-oiled vintage business that can run on autopilot, a tended garden, a blog that gets written a week in advance, full-course meals made homemade every day, washed & waxed cars and a happy, well-adjusted family. But not today. Tomorrow won't work for me either. But one day.

But today I have no excuse: It's crazy pouring outside again, the menfolk are off to Jersey to meet a great-grandfather for the first (and probably last) time and I'm at home with those projects making me feel so guilty, they'd give a Jewish mother a run for her shekels.

So in the wee hours of the morning I started a project: the defrosting of our vintage 50's fridge. Oh the joy, I almost can't contain it. For those of you who know already, it's not exactly fun but it's not so bad if you do when you're supposed to-- and not wait until it's a giant block of arctic wasteland, like I do. One day they're thawed out, ready to take on the world of chilling beverages, the next day they're angry, full of angst and frozen up to the world, not letting anyone in. They grow up so fast.

So here's a mini-documentary, a How-To Thaw Out A Vintage Refrigerator, if you will. Mine is a 1952 apartment-sized General Electric Super Freezer Refrigerator. (Super freezer my ass.)




Step 1: Turn the dial to "Def" (yo, that's def!) for defrost, natch-- I have to unplug the fridge though, because it thinks "defrost" means "I'll take my damn time thawing out and don't rush me, woman!"






Step 2: Open the door and leave it open. See the fun that lies ahead? Oh wait, not so much fun.



Mama mia, never wait this long to defrost it! That's as far as the I could open the freezer door! What's that, like, 2 inches? That's bad and can force the metal freezer door to pop off it's hinges or warp so it never closes all the way right again, so DON'T WAIT THIS LONG. I always swear that I'll never wait this long again, but do I listen to my own advice? Not so much.






Step 3: Put as many bowls and cookie sheets down as possible to catch as much water as possible. As the ice melts, you can open the freezer door more to let the warm air get to it.




As it thaws, you may notice things long since forgotten about that lie within. Hello, old friend! I don't even remember even having Hershey bars because I'm not a fan of them, so where could they have come from?!-ohmygod, they've been in there since Easter! Holy crap, I suck. (But don't think I didn't totally give these to the fam and act like they're brand new because I totally did and what they don't know won't hurt 'em. "Waste Not, Want Not" I always don't ever really say!)







Step 4: You'll periodically need to take the filled-up bowls out, dump out the water, and put the bowls right back in the fridge to fill up again. However, if you can use that water instead of pouring it down the drain, do so! I watered all my indoor plants that way! You'll also be able to pull out large sheets of the stuff from the sides and bottom of the freezer. I also put those to good use: I take them outside and lay them in the garden. It's so humid outside that they melt fast without freezing any flowers or vegetables!







Step 5: You may need to take a knife or some sort of pointy stick type object to hack at the stubborn ice chunks that won't come off of on their own. Be careful though, it's much more slippery than you think. I cut myself on a freaking butter knife for crissakes.








Step 6: Shazam! Good as new! Once all the ice is totally gone from all sides of the freezer and all the bowls are out, give the inside a good rub-down with a towel. Now you're ready to start all over again, ignoring it and denying it your love for another 6 months until you can't close the freezer door again and remember to defrost it. It's a vicious, dysfunctional circle. Like family.





"Cold as Ice" by Foreigner. I know. I am ashamed.