Friday, November 21, 2008

A Boy Named Sue

You know, I was all ready to write a Very Important and Meaningful Blog today, when I read the front page of MSN and news flash! The Ashlee Simpson/Pete Wentz combo of doom had their stupid baby. Big freaking whoop. I just sighed a little, knowing the world just got a little bit stupider, when I caught a glimpse of what they named him. BRONX MOWGLI. "Bronx" ss in, dirty stinking New York and "Mowgli" as in the soft shoe-ing Disney bear from the Jungle Book. WOW. Worst. Name. EVER. They said they weren't going to name it something stupid, for fear of having their rugrat's ass getting kicked on the playground. But the kid's name is not the reason why he'll get atomic wedgies for the rest of his life. It's because his parents are RETARDED. Maybe that's why they thought they were giving him a tough name. I can make up 407 tougher names off the top of my head than that. Baghdad "Mortar Attack" Simpson. Compton "Snoop Dogg" Wentz. See? It's not that hard. But you know what else? Big Gay Pete said no more eyeliner for him anymore, because he doesn't want to be known as "the guy who wears eyeliner". That's just swell. Too bad you can't get rid of "douchebag" with eye maker remover.

So congratulations...I guess...or whatever.



  1. Id rather be gay than be given a name like that, whats wrong with these parents? Isnt Ashlee Simpson like 21 going on 16 anyways?

    Im honestly not familiar with her hubby, but Im thinking I could blink at him in a threatening manner and he'd run.

    And whats with the "no more eyeliner" comment by him? Ive known a ton of great bands that have worn it over the years. Id like to see him walk up to M. Ness and make a smart ass remark about guys who wear eyeliner.

    Shit, Id pay fiddy bucks to see that!

  2. Mowgli was the boy, not the bear.

  3. D'oh! Oh well. It's still the worst kid name of all time. Next to Moses.