Way-Out Wednesday: Holiday Horrors: Santa's Little (No) Helper

Welcome to a holly, jolly Way-Out Wednesday, Holiday Horrors edition! (FYI: There is no holly. And the "jolly"? Well, that's debatable. Doubtful, even. You've been warned.)




Clowns are universally grotesque, no question. Scary, creepy and altogether not amusing. But elves on the other hand? They're adorable! Charming! Santa's little helpers! Happy little imps, they are. Or, you know, when they're not.





At first, you're all: "Aww, what a cute little Vintage Homemade Elf Doll! I want one!" But then upon closer viewing, you'll get a feeling of despair. Like that time you got a little too friendly with the Peppermint Schnapps at the office party and did the "Elaine" dance, only you weren't quirky and ironic, just drunk and slaggy. There's just something so...what's the word...uber depressing about this guy.



Not evil. Not exactly a creep either. But he sure as hell ain't jolly! Just...wrong. Off. Fakakta. Maybe it's the carrot-like nose. Maybe it's the mis-matched ears. Maybe it's the "Liza with a "Z" makeup. Or maybe it's the pictures?




Ahh. There we have it.

Prints Charming Sunday: Christmas Wrapping

Welcome to a Christmas-y edition of Prints Charming Sunday!



Today's vintage novelty print pick is not only spectacularly fantastic but it's also fantastically *perfect* for Christmas. Heck, the print could even work for my Hanukkah-celebrating peeps. Mazel tov, yo!





It's hard to make out, but it's actually a Vintage 40's Present Novelty Print Rayon Dress, available on Etsy from seller Mid Century Antiques.





Can you see? Red & green presents! Merry Christmas, bubalas!

Way-Out Wednesday: Holiday Horrors

It's time for this week's Way-Out Wednesday, Holiday Horrors style.




If there's one thing I love it's strange old photographs. But if there's one thing I love even more is strange old photographs with creepy-ass Santas, supremely pissed-off kids and of course, taxidermy. So imagine the bliss! joy! rapture! when I came across this freaking gem of someone's family history:





Everything about this Vintage Creepy Santa, Reindeer and Spoiled Brat Photograph is pure win. But I mean, damn. Newly Paroled Santa, is that a a deer in your pocket? Because you certainly aren't happy to see us. (Did you catch that vague and furthermore lame attempt at pervy humor? You're most welcome for that wee dose of holiday blasphemy and bad taste.)

Atomic Tuesday: Fiddle-Dee-Dee!

Welcome to Atomic Tuesday!




Today's pick for Atomic Tuesday is this cute Vintage 50s PIN UP BOMBSHELL FULL CIRCLE PARTY ATOMIC MARILYN SKIRT M L




That's the seller's exact title, by the way. Here's the thing. I have many, if not an overabundance of, questions. "Pin up"? Hmmm, not sure if that's entirely accurate. "Party"? Ehhhh. And "full circle"? I'm not sure if people fully understand what that means but it should, by its very definition, form a full and complete circle shape when laid flat. Maybe it's just the angles, but this looks more "A"-line-ish to me than circle. And the tags in the listing are "Marilyn Monroe, Grease, bombshell and new look", which are a little...you know, not really choice, either. But I'm not here to criticize a seller's wordage, because I'm not concerned with what other sellers do. I do have a question about the original intent of the skirt. Doesn't it look like someone got all Scarlett O'Hara-y on our asses and scissored the hell out of the drapes and fashioned them into a skirt? Which is fine and all! I'm not opposed to upcycling stuff into...you know, other stuff. We don't know the circumstances. Maybe the former owner fell on economic hard times (geeze, what are those) and had to do some crafty improvising. To which I say, go on girl! Maybe there was a fire and this was the only thing the former owner could grab onto on the way out the door, which was probably on fire. To which I also say, good on ya, mate! Who knows, really. I have too many questions today and should probably just acknowledge that this is just a cute, atomic print skirt and leave it at that. I'm not hatin' and I'm arguing. (It's too cold to anyway!) I wanna know your thoughts! Former curtains or intentional fashion? Neither? Both? Turn the damn heat up already? (I vote for the last one.)

Way-Out Wednesday: Holiday Horrors.

Welcome to a special Way-Out Wednesday: the Holiday Horrors edition!



I rolled out this theme last year for the month of December and it was such a hit with you lovelies that I thought why not rock it again this year? (Also: that sounded all highfalutin of me, the way I just said that.)

A quick 'splainin: To those unfamiliar, Holiday Horrors takes all the same elements of Way-Out Wednesday (ie: creepy-ass, fug or just plain ol' crazytown) but with vintage Christmas/Hanukkah/whateverthehellelseholiday items. So let's get it on! (Also: not in that way. Pervs.)






It is said there is a certain, underground videotape out there of Santa doing certain, questionable things with Rudolph. It is also said that if you watch this videotape, you will get a phone call from Santa, singing you a very drunken and almost unintelligible version of "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer", after which, he hangs up and sends one of his elf minions to crawl out of a well, hunt you down, and force you to slam eggnog shots until you get to the point where you think going streaking is an awesome idea, the sight of which makes Mrs. Clause cry at which point you pass out, until the next morning when you wake to the sound of you mom screaming at you and how you ruined Christmas, finding you naked under the Christmas tree, sucking on last night's candy cane and reeking reeking of gingerbread and, for some reason, reindeer.

Vintage Creepy Elf Figurine is currently available on Etsy (as well as at the bottom of a well, just waiting for you to watch that stag home movie of Santa's) from seller Eido.

Happy Turkey Day!

Wishing you all the least family dysfunctional and most tryptophanic Thanksgiving Day ever!

I'm not sure if I'll be back in time to post friday's weekly theme or not (depending on the level of poultry hangover and such), but if not, I'll be back this Sunday as regularly scheduled. In the meantime, enjoy these photos from Macy's Thanksgiving Days past! (Warning, there's 10 pics ahead.) Macy's was known for some pretty epic floats, people. EPIC.

Way-Out Wednesday: Wormed For Her Pleasure.

Welcome to a special, Thanksgiving eve edition of Way-Out Wednesday!





Is today's theme possibly turkey-related, you ask? Well duh, of course it is! Only, since it is Way-Out Wednesday after all, you know today's vintage pick has to be a little offbeat, kinda wacky and of course, well, borderline gross. Mmm, delicious. Now dig in!





"Oh, delightful", you're thinking. "A vintage can of...something or other...to use in our country-fabulous decor. Look at how you just got all shabby chic on our asses. You pulled a ninja Rachel Ashwell maneuver on us. How thoughtful of you." But no, my pie-eating peeps. It's not just any vintage can of something or other. If you look closely at the label it says- and I quote- "For the expulsion of round worms and tapeworms in poultry." Yep. Pellets for deworming your turkey. (gag. blech.ohmygodGROSS.) Well there's something to give thanks for tomorrow. But no tapeworms means you'll just have to lose 50 pounds in 4 days some other way.

Vintage Can of Dr. Salsbury's Poultry Pellets is currently available on Etsy from seller Cottageprims.