Saturday, May 3, 2008

Fly Me To The Moon

Men. Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em. But I'm pretty sure that 99% of them can dress better. And I'm also pretty sure that the pants-at-half-mast, clinging-to-ass-undercheek-for-dear-life look hasn't been cool since Generic White College Guy started saying things like "shizzle my nizzle" and "Compton". I thought this trend hasn't been around since the glory days of Clueless, but apparently all the young dudes are still wearing their pants like that. And while I realise I sound like I'm 80 I DON'T CARE. That look sucks eggs, always did always will, no matter what Snoop says- and is only useful if you plan on doing some pretty major ass burglary, like stealing a 12 pound ham. And if you're not stealing me a meat product, then I say good day sir. I SAID GOOD DAY.

Whatever happened to the days when men dressed like men? When did it become OK to wear baseball caps indoors and Miller Light pajama pants to the grocery store? Why don't men light women's cigarettes anymore or do any of those Little Things that Gentleman Do, like they did in the 40's and 50's? When did women allow their men to go out in public looking like hobo douche bags? And why was I not consulted first?! How dare this happen without my consent. Trixie, take a memo. Time to launch Operation Black Magic.


It's never too late for a guy to dress a little more swellegant, you know. Skinny tie? Check. Pork pie? Check. Pinky ring? Duh. While wearing a sharkskin suit to go to the Quickie Mart may be overkill, it wouldn't kill you to wear a jacket and button-down shirt once in a while. Unless the jacket had hidden scorpions in the pocket, then it'd kill you.

It's the little details that count and I swear we chicks go crazy cuckoo for them. And not *just* me but Extremely Hot Chicks With Big Racks Just Like Me *everywhere*. Cuff links. Cabbie hats. 2tone shoes. A wild 40's tie. Just not a Hooters tee shirt. When in doubt, repeat your mantra: "What Would Frank Wear?". Know it. Use it. Live it.

Swanky clothes. Love them. Buy them, Wear them.

Smoking jackets good enough to actually smoke in, but even cooler to wear out. (And if I hear "Halloween", "Hefner" or "Bosstone" you will fear The Wrath of Kim.) From my stash at Fast Eddie's Retro Rags.

Not just suspenders. But vintage 40's Stork Club suspenders, people. STORK CLUB. Get with it. From Dorothea's Closet Vintage.

Records or martini olives? Depends on how many jack and cokes you've had I suppose, though I'm favoring olives. No, records. No, olives. No, donuts. OK, olives. From Morning- Glorious.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Blog Tag Wednesday, Suckas!

So I'm finally taking part of the eVintage Society's Blog Tag, which will be a weekly blog every wednesday, so stay tuned. See, I'm a joiner!

Vintage or Bust!~ Wednesday Blog Tag~Prints Charming
April 30th, 2008

Its time for Wednesday blog tag again! The fashion magazines are predicting that prints will be hot for summer…large florals, bold brushstrokes, graphic designs. Lets talk prints!

I've been tagged by Empress Jade's blog, Empress Jade Vintage.

What luck. It figures, I just sold some really cute ones over the past week, so this is my current favorite. It's a 50's fab flecked pencil skirt with a crazy green atomic print!

See the awesome?!

Exactly that~ a novelty, something unexpected and out of the ordinary. Flowers and polka dots don't count, those are too basic. But a print that sort of makes you scratch your head and say "What? Why?!"

I covet so many different prints at a time from other sellers, so it's hard to say what the *best* one ever was. I can tell you the best one that I personally ever had (and my heart still hurts from not having it anymore) was on a 50's cotton full skirt- it made no sense and that was GREAT. A print of birds making nests in martini glasses hanging from a clothesline. Oh the pain.


Totally irrelevant to me.

Depends on the clothing. I love, love, love black but not so much with the white. I like to add a little color to alot of black, how's that?

I really like the nonsensical prints by Vested Gentress for chicks. For men, there's nothing better than the Hawaiian prints on 40's and 50's rayon shirts by ArtVogue, Kamehameha and Surfriders Sportswear.

The Lonely Dragster

Just a quickie (I said quickie) post for my friends The Violators Motor Club, who are throwing a most rockin' shindig this weekend, hot rods, bands, what more could you ask for? Any of you poor unfortunate souls cursed to wander the NE PA area like me should check it out. You just might see my ugly mug, since it's been 400 years since we got out with our peeps, but I don't think the Impala or the Dodge are happy making an hour and a half trip. So we'll see. (But there's my good deed for the day, you jerks!)


Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Freaks Come Out At Night

It would appear as though I have a mouse in my house- more specifically in the kitchen, as if the mouse KNOWS that's the grossest and most disgusting place he should be hanging out. I'm a country bumpkin, born and raised in the middle of nowhere surrounded by cornfields, so things like mice and spiders don't bother me much-- but it doesn't mean their existence in my world should continue. Sorry PETA, but some critters just have to GO, survival of the fittest and all that. I'm big, you're little. I'm right, you're wrong, MOUSE. Now if this guy was a swingin' little bugger, throwing swanky cocktail parties in the middle of the night, I wouldn't mind and in fact would probably get up at midnight just to hang with his mousey party people. But this is a mouse of the dirtbag variety. One who poops. On my counter, behind the microwave. So now his life of eating toaster crumbs must END.

I'm not even sure WHY there's a mouse in here- it's the first time I've seen anything alive in this house in the 4 years we've lived here, thanks to the numerous horny stray cats that prowl in the vacant lot and woods behind my house, and they take care of little critters in the usual ways that cats do. Not the Stray Cats. If THOSE Stray Cats hung out in my backyard, the 8 year old would be in heaven as he's been cuckoo for them for years, with Green Day in second, also in heavy rotation on his CD player. Though I'm not sure how I feel about that just yet. Plus, you bet your ass I'd be charging admission for people to see the Stray Cats in my back yard, batting around a mouse in their hands and smoking catnip doobs, or whatever it is cats do with catnip, in between sets. A gal has to make a buck *somehow* these days, and if that means selling out, then by GOD I'm on it.

So anyway, what to do about that damn mouse. Humane traps? Not the way I roll, kids. The Ball and Chain set up 2 mousetraps with peanut butter on them, because apparently mice sneaking swiss cheese off of traps is urban legend that Walt Disney started. So I bought these traps from CVS for stupid cheap, but I think you get what you pay for. Woke up this morning to see that the little bastard licked the peanut butter clean off the traps, and the damn things never set off and sprung into neck-snapping action. So either CVS makes shoddy rodent-catching devices and will get a strongly-worded letter from (probably not though, I'm kinda lazy in the angry mob way) or the Ball and Chain is just an idiot. It's probably the latter.

I really can't stand Mickey Mouse, never liked the bugger, even as a kid. The voice, the merchandised, overpriced crap and of course, an entire evil empire dedicated to what is basically a small rat. But I would totally rock this vintage 60's sweater(although I think it seems a bit older than 60's, don't you? But whatever. You love it). From shannondzikas, an Etsy girl who I now think is pretty right-on, because she announces "I'm poor and crafty!" on her main page. Aren't we all.

Monday, April 28, 2008

You're A Better Man Than I

So I was looking around on ebay this weekend because A.) I was bored and B.) I've had enough quality time with my family thank you and needed to escape all the crazy and in-law dysfunction. Lo and behold I found some ridiculously cool vintage shirts, the kind I'd give my left foot, my firstborn or my right ovary to own- and not necessarily in that order. But here's the real kick in the head: they're each $369 on a buy it now. For one shirt. Oh and one more minor detail: They're NOT EVEN VINTAGE but my most hated form of fashionry- they're repros. I'll tell ya, I was fooled until I clicked on the listing and lo and behold he admits it's a "50's styled" repro. Too bad it's in the vintage category, supergenius. Call me grumpy, but I think that's a great disservice to the vintage community by asking such astronomical prices for something made a minute ago while the sad few of us vintage sellers ON THE LEVEL try to make a buck selling good quality vintage. And can we address the price? I wonder what his his train of thought was on this one: "$350? Too low. $400? Too high. $369? Why, that's the perfect price! And a $199 opening bid is a good plan." How strange and random. I could totally rock an 8th grade 69 joke, but I won't do it. (I said "do it".)


If you are so inclined to go the repro route, these are as good as any and I usually only support my fellow vintage sellers, so consider this my olive branch to the repro community. Actually these are made by Dry Bones, your better than average repros of rockabilly shirts, so I can give props when props are due, I'm not entirely made out of evil. From hirobilly (most excellent fun to say out loud), based outta Japan.

But I will always get stabby and belly fire over repros and the people who make them for mass resale, and that is something you can't take away from me. (You didn't think I was going out on a NICE note, did you?!)