Saturday, July 12, 2008

Sink With California

Having some extra free time on my hands lately and the unwise use of it by watching total crap television has made my level of stabbiness rise to unsafe levels. Some fashion statements I am OVER:

1). Emo glasses on boys. And girls too. Ok, emo glasses on anyone human is stupid, really. Emo glasses on a monkey, however= fantastic. The cool nerd look has been done before. Ever hear of Buddy Holly?

2). Eyeliner on guys. Specifically, eye liner on pseudo punk/emo boys in bands who are trying to rock being edgy because they are hardcore and the hilariousness of it is that they are the farthest thing from edgy nor are they being hardcore *anything*. Perhaps hardcore jackasses, yes. Hardcore rockers? My sources say nein! Dumm kopf. (Of course I'm talking to you, douchebag that is famous for dating then impregnating then marrying Ashley Simpson.) Sensitive and misunderstood emo boys: It's been done. You're not hard. You're not artistic. You look like a bunch of flaming mary's. And not in the good way. It's been done before. Has anyone heard of The Cure? Or Boy George? Or Alice Cooper? ExACTly.

If you or someone you know is a guyliner addict, the good news is there's still hope. Please call 1-800-DUMBASS for the help you deserve. Our operators are standing by 24 hours a day with a bar of soap and are hands-free for bitch slapping some sense back into you that has been lacking for so long. Some trends must die. Don't let the guyliner trend take another victim. Dumbasses.

3.) "Edgy", asymmetrical haircuts. Has been seen in conjunction with fashion tragedies #1 and #2 above. Often seen in the art/fashion/music circles. As with #2 above, this is hardly a new style and therefore you are not edgy. Sigh. How many more times can I say "edgy" anyway? It's been done before~ by every new wave band in the 80's.






Fierceness, you have met your maker. Emo glasses? Check! Edgy, asymmetrical haircut? Check! Guyliner?... Guyliner?!... WHAT? No GUYLINER?! You sir are neither fierce nor cutting edge! Sporting 2 out of 3 Fashion Trends That Won't Die will not suffice in this Coldplay kind of world.

Friday, July 11, 2008

The Girlfriend Of The Whirling Dervish

You're all just itching to discover every nook and cranny of my mind, yes? Lucky you, my nooks and crannies are HOT. Maybe they're not so much hot as they are mildly interesting. And maybe not so much mildly interesting as they are nerdy. And nerds are cool, have we not established this fact via Hot Topic's "I heart nerds" tee shirt craze, circa 2004?

~~Warning! Self-plug alert!! (I said self-plug)~~

If you're jonesing* for a Kim fix (and who DOESN'T want more of this raging grumpy hot mess?), check out my made of awesome interview on Lulu's Vintage Blog. There you will see A.) a picture of a fantastically sunburned me while on vacation in Florida (shout-out to Jen!) and 2.) the answers to my in-depth interview questions that made me feel slightly like I was on stage at a Miss Universe pageant. The only question missing was "If you could do one thing to change the world, what would it be?". And the answer would not be "world peace" my friends. I just don't roll in the "I'm OK, you're OK" way. Nay, I would answer more like: "I would be supreme ruler and dictator for life of the universe and make everyone who ever slighted me eat raw eggs like Rocky then take a 5 mile run before I made them spontaneously combust". And you thought I was bitchy. Just read the interview and tell me you love me, peasants. Or don't. I'm indifferent today. I've heard that you can read the interview out loud in sync to Pink Floyd's "Dark Side Of The Moon". That's the kind of awesome it is.

*Does anyone post 1988 say "jonesing" anymore? Is that as lame as "cool beans" and "Hello! McFly!"? If someone could let me know, I would greatly appreciate it. Or just let me look like an out-of-touch loser, that's OK too. I've got a whole carton of eggs with your name on it, infidel.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

eVintage Society's Blog Tag Wednesday

Its Blog Tag Wednesday at the eVintage Society! Its hot!! What better time of year to shimmer like the ice cubes in a vodka-lemonade? Refresh those who admire you with some summer sparkle! Let’s see what you’ve got!

1) Show us your favorite vintage sparkling stunner in your inventory! Rhinestones, sequins, beads…show us your shimmer!

This is perfect for summer shimmer. (Say summer shimmer 5 times fast!). This 50's swanky cocktail dress with GOLD PAINTED huge roses and GOLD GLITTER polka dots. If that ain't sparkle-rific, I don't know what is, foo'.


2) Rhinestones on daywear? Yes or no?
Hells belles YEAH! Why not?

3) Favorite beaded bag or jewelry in your inventory or personal collection?

This really freaking awesome vintage Sarah Cov bracelet! It's covered in colorful stones and confetti shapes. Very mid century modern and now I wish I was keeping it and not selling it!

4) Colored rhinestones or clear, which do you prefer?

I'm so white bread, I really like clear rhinestones!

5) Cubic zirconia, costume rhinestones or REAL diamonds? Be honest!! Which will you wear?

Costume rhinestones, hands down! I'm cheap. Oh yeah, I said I'm cheap.

Thanks for the tag Empress Jade Vintage! Until next Wednesday, back to you eVintage Society

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Hey, Bartender

Did you ever have one of those wickedly down in the dumps kind of days/weekends/millenniums, the kind where you're just plain old indifferent and blue, for no particular reason, just *because"? No? Well I'm glad to hear the Prozac is working for you. For me, sometimes the only thing that works is putting on old jazz records~ and I don't mean that in a "get off my lawn and turn down your new fangled Hall and Oats jazz records!" kind of way, but in a for real jazz records kind of way.

Nothing makes me feel as justified for being pissed off and sad and angry all at once than by listening to a scratchy, poor quality record of Big Bill Broonzy or Big Maceo... or ANY old timey blues singer from the 30's and 40's with the name "Big" in it for that matter. Sitting on my porch with a High Life with records playing in the background and pretending in my head that I'm a downtrodden soul in the bayou can be therapeutic when you've got the blues, because after listening to these guys wailing their hearts out, you realise life doesn't suck quite as much as you think it did. After all, did your man leave you after taking your dog, your furniture, the last bottle of beer and took off with your best friend Ida and all he left you were your 7 kids, a half a package of crackers and a packet of ketchup? He did? Man, what kind of loser are you anyway? I feel bad for you, kid.

If you're a lady singin' the blues, check out this incredible dress with a picture of a lady...singin' the blues. It's not vintage, but there's something so intriguing about this long black dress with Billie screen printed on the bottom. Because if anyone knows whats its like to be down and out it's Billie. It's not very easy on your wallet ($495.00, zoinks!), ain't that a kick in the head? But very cool. You can get this and other rock and/or roll fashions (Elvis skirts! T-Rex dresses!) from Fashion Rocks.