Friday, October 31, 2008

Zombie Dance

Happy Halloween, boils and ghouls! (Thank you! I'll be here all night! Don't forget to tip your witchtress and please try the boiled brains!)

Meh. Too much cheese for the morning. I apologise.

Today is the last entry for the month's ongoing saga, "the ABC'S of the Gashlycrumb Tinies". I'm half sad that it's come to an end, but more than half happy to be done with it already. Kind of like getting your teeth drilled, if you happen to enjoy that sort of thing. Perhaps I'll do it again next Halloween, but let's hope I forget. But you know what? Xmas is coming and what could possibly be more fun than doing a blog revolved around "The 12 Days of Christmas"? Getting your teeth drilled, for one.


So on that note, it saddens my heart (two sizes too small) to bring you the last dead Tiny. Until next year, fellow freaks and geeks.

Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.

(That's the best way to go, really.)


Z is also for zombie.

Here's a list I just made up off the top of my head, in no particular order, of must-see zombie flicks. It is Halloween after all, in case you didn't know. So here they are: the good, the bad and the cheesy.

1. White Zombie. One of the first real zombie movies ever made that we know of, dating to 1932. How cool is that? It's good to know there were freaks for the horror business even back then.

2. Teenage Zombies. Nothing but the best from 1959. Come on now, how you can not love a plot that involves teenagers stranded on an island who get rescued from a mad scientist by a zombie gorilla and then get rewarded by meeting the president?

3. Night of the Living Dead. A classic from '68 that pretty much influenced all future horror/zombie movies. Buttloads of lame remakes done in 1985 and 1990.

4. Heavy Metal. With a soundtrack including Devo, Blue Oyster Cult, Cheap Trick and Journey, you know it's gonna rock your face off. 1981

5. Redneck Zombies. Never saw it, but with a title like THAT, it'll be my life's work to find it and watch it.

6. Zombie High. Will those slutty teenagers ever learn? 1987

7. Pet Sematary. I and II. Undead zombie pets? Awesome. 1989 & 1992

8. My Boyfriend's Back. We get it. Slutty teenagers. Alright already! 1993.

9. Dawn of the Dead (2004 remake of 1978's) and Shaun of the Dead (2004), 2 of my favorite new zombie flicks. Zombies in England? That's hilarious for some reason that I can't quite explain.

So that's it for now. I'm stopping at 9 which is essentially 10, because I'm half-assing it today. Someone's got to spike the punch.


* "Zombie Dance by The Cramps"

Thursday, October 30, 2008

You Dress Up For Armageddon

Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.


Y is also for yum. As in de-lish. As in scrump. What am I talking about, you say? No one's ever really sure, are they? But today I'm talking about CANDY! What with the Halloween coming up and all, I thought it apropos to give props to it. Another mini tribute to retro candy and candy from our youth. I'm "hommaging" my ass off lately, have you noticed? I should stop that.

1) Candy Buttons.
The idea works in theory, but really, they kinda suck. Paper would get stuck to the back of each little dot but you'd eat it anyway because you were a dumb kid and that's what you did.


2) Wax Lips.
What a stupid invention. "Good news kids! I bought you a hunk of non-flavored wax loaded with red food coloring #23 so you can gnaw on it all day until you get lockjaw for hours of fun! Yay!"


3) Pixy Stix.
I have a better idea. Why not just mainline pure, uncut sugar straight into our veins?


Makes a damn fine sammich, too. (If you don't know where this is from, you're dead to me).


4) Gum Cigarettes.
Not to be confused with those ripoff candy stick cigarettes, which were LAME. If your mom was cool, she'd get you the bubble gum cigarettes that had a little stash of white powder (powdered sugar I hope?) wrapped within the paper, so when you'd blow on it (I said blow on it), a little white puff cloud would come out like real smoke. Awesome. But leave it to those damn hippie liberal types to think bubble gum cigarettes were a bad influence on children. They ruin all my fun. I can honestly say that the memory of chewing gum cigarettes as a kid was NOT the influence it had on me later in life to smoke. Now the Licorice Crack Pipe is another story...


* "You Dress Up For Armageddon" by The Hives.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

X-Ray Man

X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.


X is also for....Well, X sucks.

There are no X words that even remotely fit into my Halloween-y blog theme- and there have been some pretty damn lame entries so far. But X?! I tried "xenophobia", because it's just a good-natured word and since I am a grumpy girl who doesn't like too many people or animals or anything, really, that word seemed to make sense. But xenophobia is an every day way of life, so I couldn't commit to it being just a word of the day. And then I tried writing about "xanthan", as in "Behold the spooky ways of the Xanthan gum! It will shock and surprise you with it's food-additive wonders, made by the death-defying process involving the fermentation of glucose! Horrors beyond imagination!"...this may be surprising, but that didn't work either. So screw you, X.

So instead, here's a mini tribute to x words or words that have x in them somewhere. And no, there will be no "Xtasy" on this list. What do you think I am, some kind of sexually-confused 18 year old rave-til-dawner dancing with glow sticks to Moby with blue hair wearing 5" platform anime boots and an eyebrow ring?! How 10 years ago.

Generation X. British punk band fronted by that fine piece of grade A man meat, the artist formerly known as Billy Idol. Known today as Billy Idol.



Oy vey. Can't...go..on...Too...swoony..

You know what cures swooniness caused by delicious spikey-haired boys? Xanax, bitches.


Xanax must be taken with a liquid. A chaser of Dos Equis should do the trick. Helping slutty sorority skanks get knocked up at spring break in Cancun since 1986.


* "X-Ray Man" by Liz Phair.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Werewolves Of London

W is for Winnie embedded in ice.


W is also for Addams, Wednesday Addams. The poster child for 'tween goths-in-training.


Generally you know I'm all: "Remakes are tragic and I do not approve of them, sir". But that being said, I actually think the cast was brilliant in the Addams Family movies of the early 90's. The new Pugsley was WAY can I say this nicely about a fat kid...corpulent?...than the original Pugsley from the 60's TV series. Plus, I'm pretty sure the extreme horribleness of the original Pugsley is what killed JFK. I'm not 100%, I'm just sayin', is all. And lest us not forgot the new Wednesday, played by that little chunk of delicious oddness Christina Ricci, was way terrif. Addams Family gets mad props for doing a remake that didn't actually suck. Unlike the fools from the Beverly Hillbillies movie, you slackers.


Remember when goth kids of the 80's and into the early 90's) were sort of scary and awesome? I think the goth kids these days- well, what's left of them anyway, they're a dying breed of miscreants, and that is sad- missed the meeting about how to dress the part because they have it ALL WRONG. It's really quite embarrassing. Lip Service bondage pants and an Insane Clown Posse tee shirt is BLASPHEMY, goth kids.
What happened to goth girls wearing vintage Victorian mourning dresses and granny boots and vintage 60's slips dyed black and long black opera gloves and such?! Granted, this was at a time when you could find this kind of vintage at thrift stores relatively easy, but still, there is no excuse to shame your clique with Hot Topic apparel. Leave that for the-and I emphasize the quotation marks-"punk kids".

If you're gonna walk the walk, then dammitall, do it right and stop making sweet baby jebus weep with yer fashion sinnin'. You know who's bringing Victorian goth back? My homie 4life Ang of Dorothea's Closet Vintage. She isn't really bringing it back (you're not, are you Ang?) and I'm sure she's cringing, what with my saying she's like the mecca for goth kids. But 'tis true. Her site has some pretty serious much older vintage garb for the all-growns-up goth kid who want to dress like they stepped out of a Richard Burton movie. She knows how to party like it's 1899.


* "Werewolves of London" by Warren Zevon.