Friday, June 27, 2008


I got this crap email sent to me from one of my friends who sends me these kinds of useless and wonderful emails ALL THE TIME and though I tell her not to bother sending them (because I am far too busy with my Very Important Life of Useless Blogging and Saved By The Bell Marathons to dilly dally with unimportant emails), she sends them anyway and I open them anyway because I am easily amused and so we continue our game of sending lame emails and then me pretending to be too cool to read them. Huzzah!

So I'm spreading the nerdy to you all, because that is how I help a brother out. Also it's Friday and I'm feeling pretty lazy and sick of looking at vintage and needing an excuse to get out of listing more vintage and needing ANOTHER excuse to NOT go to haul it over to Chili's for an Awesome Blossom that I've been hankering for ALL WEEK, but must NOT because my ass already hates me and it should probably go on a hunger strike.

Behold! Albert Einstein, yes? Fo Shizzle.


Now get up off of that thing, walk 15 feet away from the computer screen and Mr. Einstein will optical-illusionally turn into Marilyn Monroe. Seriously, didn't you know Al was a trannie?

I admit that I am the last person on earth to get these "you gotta see this!" kind of emails and I fully own up to my lameness. If you've already witnessed this magic then you have caught a raging case of the nerdy and apparently you have a friend who sends you stupid emails too. Unless YOU'RE the one sending out these emails in which case may I say that you sir are a madman. Unless you find a way to make Zach Morris turn into RuPaul then I say keep spamming up the universe, my evil genius.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I've Got You Under My Skin

File under: Morons I don't understand.

Christie's Auction House in New York auctioned off pieces of the wardrobe from The Sopranos today. I'm with them so far, good times, good times. It was to benefit the Wounded Warrior Project, a cause close to James Gandolfini's (Tony Soprano) heart that helps out soldiers injured in Iraq and Afghanistan. I'm all about that, carry on with yo bad self, awesome cause. And while I do really like the show when I catch the edited version on TV late at night because I'm too cheap to pay for anything other than basic cable and yes, I dig the wardrobe with it's rat pack-y flair, there's something about this that makes my cannoli curdle.

Exhibit A:
The outfit he wore when he got shot by Uncle Junior


Guess how much this little slice of Italian cliche went for?...

...I'll wait. Are you guessing?...

...Wait for it...


Ok, see now they lost me.

Let's do a little compare and contrast, shall we kids? Because math is power!

Exhibit B: Marilyn Monroe's dress was up at auction at Julien's. Granted, it's not exactly an iconic piece, but it's still MARILYN MONROE'S. Who's dead, by the way, and not just a dead character in an overrated HBO drama series either, but for real dead. And while she is somewhat of an overdone cliche herself, the girl is a icon.


A picture of her wearing it in a series of photographs taken of her and Arthur Miller in New York City in 1956:


You know how much this sundress went for? $21,000.00. That's like, 9 times less than what the goomba's near-death scene outfit went for.

What would Sinatra do? How would he feel about the image that Tony Soprano created for the mob? Not that the mob ever had a wholesome image but still, it never looked so...cheesy. I love that the money went to a kickass cause, but come ON people. The show hasn't even been off the air for more than what, a YEAR? I'd love to do a little boot partying on the dude who shelled out that much money for an outfit that he could have essentially bought at Hot Topic. What a gavone.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Standing In The Shower...Thinking

Things that are always funny:

1. People falling down. Especially fat kids. You're not fooling anyone Miss I'm-OK-You're-OK, you laugh at that too.

2. Family Guy.

3. Any SNL skit with Chris Farley. Actually, any movie with Chris Farley in it. Except Beverly Hills Ninja- what the hell was that all about? But Tommy Boy and Black Sheep I can watch a jillion times in a row, and it keeps getting funnier the more beers you have.

Since The World seems obsessed with funny dead guys lately, let's reflect on the funniest of them all. Reflect faster! With meaning! And jazz hands! Won't anyone think of the jazz hands?! 5, 6, 7, 8!

Remember the time he interviewed Paul McCartney and asked him if it was true that he was dead? AWESOME.

Remember the time he pretended there were bees in the car and jumped out screaming "Bees! Bees in the car! Bees everywhere! Your firearms are useless against them!" but there really were no bees, remember that? AWESOME.

(True story: One of my super nerdy ringtones is "Fat Guy In A Little Coat". That's all it is, is Chris singing FGIALC. Seriously. Someone call me right now and I'll prove it).

So dig THIS. Wisconsin is a boring state (no offense Wisconsinites, you're a lovely bunch of folks but your state blows) and I think it may be the one shaped like a mitten and all I know about Wisconsin is Foam Cheese Hats for their football team the Cheesy Meatheads (is that NOT the team's name?) and I like to talk like I'm from Fargo (Yah! You betcha!) which I realise is not in Wisconsin but the accent is still the same. That's what I know of Wisconsin.

Well the Wisconsin Historical Society is hosting the Chris Farley Remembered exhibit now through November. Apparently he is a WI native (wha? I thought he was from, like, Scottsdale) and the exhibit will included props from his movies, like his "Callahan" baseball cap from the movie Tommy Boy and the campaign jacket he wore in Black Sheep, seen here:


So since my blogs are usually ridiculous mixes of retro pop culture, music and vintage, today's post was Somewhat Relevant and With Meaning! The jazz hands were not in vain! And if you're actually STILL reading this, the exhibit is super cheap, $4 for adults! If you're in the...what's Wisconsin's location? Midwest? Northish Lake-Like Region?...whatever, if you're in THAT area, stop in you lazy slackers. You know you're dying to see swords As Seen In The Hit Movie Beverly Hills Ninja.

Thanks to Ang who shares half my brain and sent me the links that she knew I'd enjoy more than Cheetos and a Head Of The Class marathon. She's got the brains, I've got the looks, lets make lots of money.

(I bet you're singing that in your head right now aren't you, 80's Pop Culture Fans?)

Monday, June 23, 2008

Guess Things Happen That Way

RIP, George Carlin.




I'm disgruntled about comedians. Call me a jerk, but I never find them funny. It takes alot to make me think someone is amusing, but this guy was MY kind of comedian. Sarcastic as hell, jaded, no one was safe in his ranting- right ON. Sounds vaguely familiar, no? We could use more George Carlins in the comedy business and less, say, Carrot Tops. Who should just be shot.

Enjoy some George Carlin quotes. Enjoy them, dammit!

"I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it."

"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

"I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away."

"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it."