Friday, January 2, 2009

Everybody Have Fun Tonight

Everybody wang chung tonight! I mean it, I want to see everybody wave your wang chung hands in the air and wave 'em around like you just don't care. I swear to god, if there's no wang chunging tonight I will personally come to your house and force you to wang.

Because it's: A.) friday night and B.) a day after New Year's and therefore C.) the utmost of slacking and lazing is probably going on with most people, I'm going to do the super cheesy blog thang and share with you fine party people a website I recently discovered called Toothpaste For Dinner. I'm sure most of the universe has already seen this site and moved on, but since I seem to be on a permanent 4 month delay of discovering crap on the internets, just act like it's new to you. Do it for me. And if not for me, for the love of all things New Wave, do it for Wang Chung. (And PS: Did you know that Wang Chung is classified as a British new wave band? Seriously! I didn't even know they were British and also, "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" couldn't be less new wave-y if Marie Osmond was the lead singer.)

Anyway, Toothpaste For Dinner is a fun/funny site of comics. I know, you're all "Comics? Wow. How very 1986. You sure have your finger on the pulse of all which is hip and happenin' Kim. Just...Wow." But sometimes some of the comics are snarky and sarcastic and dry and just made of awesome, sort of like The Far Side but not quite as amusing. Read for yourself, and if you don't think these samples of TFD comics are the best in scribbled comics, I will double your money back and proceed to give you a good what-for.


(I could stab someone in the retina with a spork, when I hear them say "expresso".)






Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Year, Baby

Happy New Year's Eve, peeps! Don't forget to eat fish today and pork tomorrow...that's some kind of good luck tradition- I think it's a Catholic thing?...frick, I should know this...All I know is that you have to eat fish and pork today and tomorrow to have a lucky 2009. That, and you don't want to piss off Jebus. Or else. Jebus will smite you. He will smite you good! Do you think Swedish Fish counts as the "fish" part of the deal? He really should have specified trout or bass or whatever. Darn you jebus for sabotaging my New Years luck!

I thought I should give back to some of my vintage friends who have done so much for me, if I ended this year on a good note and give props where props is due. Also to prove that I really am not made entirely out of piss and vinegar, as my German Grandma used to say. So it's linky-linky time! Here are a few that were either really helpful throughout the year, or paid me off really well for my friendship, "Can't Buy Me Love"-style. In no particular order, here's a shout-out to my friends and homies who I couldn't have done it without. Done what, you ask? Perhaps commit arson, maybe plot elaborate jewel heists, you'll just never know.

For pretty much the best vintage shopping ever on the interwebs, you must check out: Dorothea's Closet Vintage, Damn Good Vintage, Couture Allure, Glamoursurf (she has the most incredible vintage swimsuits for sale you've ever laid your peepers on)....And (if you're crafty and can sew your own clothes I envy you very much), you might dig these vintage pattern sellers: MomsPatterns, The Ornament Gal, Vintage Fashion Library...

There are so many more homies I'm forgetting to send love to, so I'm sorry if I missed anyone this time around. Maybe next year. (Get it, because next year is tomorrow? Shut up, it was too funny.)


But most of all, thanks to all of you kindred spirits of nerds, freak and geeks out there who read my stabby blog! Hopefully you take away something from it. I loves me some of you guys and you keep me going when I sometimes feel like a nut...and sometimes I don't (stolen retro commercial line!). Keep posting your comments and let me know you're listening/laughing/crying/loathing and keep sending your hate mail! Have a rockin' New Year's Eve! (Dick Clark not included.)


Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Man Comes Around

Holy frick, tomorrow is New Year's eve. Do you suppose I can cram a whole year's worth of resolutions onto my to-do list and get them all done by tomorrow? Crap. It's not like I made these monumental resolutions or anything, like saving the beavers or teaching monkeys sign language. I know better than to promise myself to get things done in a year. Only thing I accomplished this year was wasting 365 consecutive days in a row to slacking, tomfoolery and indifferent bitching. Mission accomplished. Huzzah!

*Genuinely good and selfless deeds I have done in '08: That's hard to say. How can you measure a "good deed" and what exactly is the meaning of one anyway? Does not stabbing people count as a good deed? How about not running people over who are crossing at a stoplight? Do I get any karma points for that?

*Pounds I have lost in '08: That's hard to say. My scale is a pathological liar and you can't trust a word it says.

*People I have made a positive impact on in '08: Ahahahahaha, that's a good one. I'm sure I'm changing the world, what with my positive outlook on life and kind words. More like: "how many people have I pissed off, alienated and/or offended in '08".

This time of year is so depressing and annoying because people reflect on their life over the past year, feeling like a horse's ass because they didn't do enough, make enough money, yada yada yada. We'll never make enough money and we'll never be as complete and good and we think we should be, so why bother worrying about it now? Plus, people just suck and we never change, so quite yer bitching about it. Does anyone actually make resolutions and stick to them? Who has, like goals and stuff? Don't you think it's just good enough making it day to day, relatively sane, somewhat happy, basically healthy, knowing that someone loves you and maybe even with a buck or 2 in your pocket? I think that's all it takes to make me feel content. Then again, Ren and Stimpy makes me happy, so maybe I aim too low.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Holiday Road

Howdy, kids! I hope your holidays were freaking splendid and not too much on the dysfunctional side. I took a mini break from the blogging and the kvetching, not for a lack of interesting or hell, even boring things to say-(because I can bitch about anything when put on the spot. Test me. Give me any subject and I can find something that annoys me about it, or perhaps it'll be a subject I love greatly such as the bliss of Swedish Fish or Nad's hair-removal strips that look like flypaper, for when you can't get to the salon for a real eyebrow-waxing, and I'll talk about it at great lengths with no subject breaks and including many rambling thoughts in run-on sentence form)-but because I am rocking a cold that won't just break into a full-blown illness, but instead is dragging out in slow-motion and I feel quite like ass because of it and am, at all times, ready for a nap. And I am far too high-strung to nap, so you know this cold type thing is whooping my sorry ass. Did I have a point? I don't remember.

Here's a post Xmas wrap-up (mmm...chicken chipotle wrap from McDonald's...):

Presents did not suck this year. Major points to the ball and chain who remembered me saying a month ago that I wanted Lolita on dvd (and I of course mean Stanley Kubrick's 1962 version, not any of the skanky, whack-ass 90's versions, starring someone like Alyssa Milano or Drew Barrymore or Tori Spelling. And yes, I realise I'm putting Lolita in the same category as "the Joey Buttafuoco Story". For dramatic effect, when jazz hands can't be put to good use.) I've been almost unhealthily digging the Ventures lately, and I'm not sure why. In fact their Christmas album was/is my favorite this year. But I'm currently obsessed with their version of "Lolita Ya Ya", from the movie of course, but not Nelson Riddle's lame version. It's a sickness, really. I've been singing "ya ya, wah-o wah-o, ya ya" for weeks now. What is my problem?! You can see what I mean here:

Another present which did not suck were gift cards to my grocery store. 200 bucks! Sweet! I'd most likely be inclined to blow the whole thing (yep, I said "blow the whole thing" alright) on boxes-o-wine, but because Pennsylvania sucks it so hard, you can't buy it in grocery stores, just in liquor stores. Lame! 100 bucks can buy a mighty fine case or 2 of boxed wine. I'd stack them all on my front porch and hang those damn white icicle lights off of them, in a most excellent display of white trashery. So I guess I have to buy actual foodstuffs for my dang family, instead of cheap booze. Damn you, state of PA!

So other than that, it's been a pretty basic Xmas. How was everybody else's week? Were cops called? Was pepper spray involved? Did anyone have to cut a bitch? I need to know.