Saturday, August 9, 2008

Rock Me Amadeus

Because I am known (if not for my sunny disposition and happy tidings toward mankind) for my intellectually stimulating deep thoughts, I have a few questions weighing heavy on my mind:

1. Does anybody ever really fish a boot out of a river?

2. Do billy goats really eat tin cans?

3. Has anyone ever opened their parachute after jumping out of a plane only to
discover an anvil?

4. Did anyone ever have a grand piano accidentally fall on them while walking down
the sidewalk?

5. Has anyone ever walked out of a bank with a sack full of money with a giant "$"
sign on the outside of the bag?

6. When we die, do our eyes really turn into black X's?

7. Has anyone ever been knocked out and actually see birds flying in a circle
around their head?

8. How come when you eat spinach your biceps don't get huge?

9. Do hillbillies still- if ever- drink moonshine out of a jug with "XXX" written on
the outside?


9b. Do they also sit barefooted, wearing overalls on the front porch and actually
play "Dueling Banjos"?

10. Does anybody else on the planet besides me really, reeeeally want to see Tom
catch and finally get to EAT Jerry, once and for all?

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Smells Like Teen Spirit

Dear Jebus,
Whatever I did to anger you, I promise I'll never do it again. I'll stop prank calling my in-laws and stealing toilet paper from McDonald's, I swear. I fear your wrath, I do, I FEAR YOUR WRATH. Just please make the Tori Spelling GO AWAY.

Notice how Tori's husband WhoeverTheHellHisNameIs looks more like a woman than she does. How does she look so manly? She would make a most excellent drag queen playing herself, would she not? Tor-He Spelling could take Vegas by storm, with her BFF's Patrick Swayze and Wesley Snipes by her side getting themselves into trouble with their wacky adventures and cross dressing tomfoolery, those crazy kids. She'd probably be more successful playing a drag queen than whatever awesome...well, let's just call it "acting" jobs she's dredging up these days. Oh wait, there IS always that nuclear bomb called the NEW 90210 sure to be a super hit, so we're good.

Looks like that blow to the head from when Ray Pruit pushed her whiny ass down the stairs caused more brain damage than we thought. Enjoy these little forays into blasphemy as America's favorite couple Tori and WhatsHisBalls make famous celebrities roll in their graves. Yay!

Lucy and Ricky? You gotta be farging kidding me?!


Johnny Cash and June carter. Oh good lord.


Sonny and Cher and I officially feel the chunks rising.


Courtney and Kurt. Making suicide fun!


Wednesday, August 6, 2008

eVintage Society's Blog Tag Wednesday!

VINTAGE OR BUST!~Blog Tag Wednesday~Bottoms Up!
August 6th, 2008

Its Blog Tag Wednesday at the eVintage Society!. Separates are an easy way to add a little vintage to your every day casual wardrobe. Lets talk skirts! Let’s see what you’ve got!

1) Show us your favorite skirt in your inventory!

This vintage 50's full cotton skirt with a KNITTING novelty print! (Cool thing~ I have an identical one to this but in a different size and colorway in my store!)

2)Favorite skirt length to sell? Mini, knee or maxi, and why?

I love novelty print 50's skirts, usually knee-length. Why? Because, that's why.

3)Favorite to wear?

Same as above, actually. Just 'cuz I likes 'em.

4)Favorite skirt silhouette? Full, circle, pencil, mini, balloon, maxi, etc… what look suits you?

Full circle skirts! Mini? Ha hahaha...that's a good one. I wouldn't torture the world with that frightening display.

5)Thoughts on slips? Some never wear them, some never would be seen without. How crucial is a slip under a skirt?

I suppose if you want the world to see your naughty bits, then go sans slip, why not. I personally hate wearing half slips, for fear of it migrating south to my ankles. Not such a cute look when you're standing in line buying stamps.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008


File under: So Many Questions, So Little Time.
Double file under: How DARE You Sell-Out My Youth?!
Triple File Under: Those Damn Teenagers Ruin Everything!

What JACKHOLE working for JC Penney advertising thought this was a great idea? Because he needs to be shot. Nay, something more medieval behooves me. Tarred and feathered? Methinks the best solution is he needs to be turned into a eunuch. Cheapen my memories of growing up in the 80's? I cut off your balls.

What 12 year old would have ANY clue what this commercial was referencing? Does anyone under the age of 25 even know what the commercial is spoofing? Pre-teens?! REALLY? The Breakfast Club?! REALLY? I can't...I just can't. Why, my little turtle dove John Hughes, WHY would you destroy your legacy of making the most awesome of teen flicks of all time? People, this isn't cute and retro! It's terribly wrong and I can't...I just can't.

I pour out my Colt 45 for you, John Hughes and totally rad 80's movies. You are all dead to me now. Thanks JC Penney!

I know you've all seen this, but watch it and join me in a cocktail or 4. If you need me, I'll be sitting in the DeLorean and listening to a Culture Club cassette.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Put A Lid On It

Today I was walking into the post office and saw a truck in the parking lot with a dog sitting in the driver's seat with both his paws on the steering wheel. And while I may be half robot and not a fan of animals (they LICK their Special Places and then lick YOU?! That is not acceptable, no spit flavored with dog balls should be on my FACE), but I am also half human and found Dog Driving A Pickup really especially funny. So on my way *into* the post office the small fry was commenting on how superawesome that was and at the same time the owner of the truck was walking *out* and heard our conversation. Of course he made some typical old man-ish comment like "He really DOES drive, you know!" Har dee har har, I'm in no mood for the funny, old man, so BACK OFF. Can't a sister just MAIL her PACKAGES in PEACE, man?!

Can he not tell I am not interested in TALKING? Generally the international sign for No Interest In Making Small Talk is slowly walking backwards towards the door muttering random things like "Oh yeah?...Huh...weeell..ok then...", which I was DOING, but he didn't pick up on my social cues and kept talking. So he launches into his True Story Of The Driving Dog, describing a scene in a parking lot of the grocery store, his dog was again in the driver's seat and he walked out to see that the truck was moving, coasting backwards and hitting a couple parked cars as a result of his dumbass canine bumping the gear into neutral. He admitted that he jumped in the truck and TOOK OFF. (!) And I was all thinking "Who do you think you ARE, sir?" What if I was an undercover cop? You don't know me, I could CUT you. Or ARREST you. How dare you not think I am an officer of the law. How RUDE. I ought to write a letter to someone about this.

So long story short, I told him he needs to make his dog wear a seat belt (it IS the law for dogs in cars, is it not? No? Well I'm making it one starting....NOW) and perhaps even an old metal biker's helmet and leather vest like a Hell's Angel, just for fun and he completely stopped talking and looked at ME like *I* was the one on crack. Which I very well might be, but HE doesn't know that, now does he? He then mumbled the nervous "Oh yeah?...Huh...weeell..ok then..." speech that I gave him. Great, so now *I'm* the asshole, right? Which I generally AM, just not in this particular scenario.

The lesson here is: Humoring old people ends up in disaster. And if you must drive your dog around, for god's sake dress him like a biker.

Vintage dog prints! They're not doing wacky things like driving, but I'll forgive them for that. From Holly at Lucitebox is this 1950's dress & jacket set with PINK POODLES.

From Jen at Morning Glorious is this 1950's wrap skirt. Again with PINK DOGS chasing black cats. What's with all the pink dogs in the 50's? I don't know, but I LIKE it.