Saturday, August 22, 2009

Hip To Be Square

More fun with sweaters! This time it's not vintage Spinnerin, it's some dumb vintage 70's crap called He and She Sweaters. Good grief. You think they woulda thought of a title that didn't read like its a manual about knitting for the transgender human. He-she sweaters cannot possibly be a good thing.


She: Look honey! We're dressed up like those hippies we keep hearing about. How fun! I even matched my silly headband to my my turtleneck, like that fellow in the motorcycle movie! That's what you do, right?

He: I don't know, dear. But look at me, I'm so wild and crazy, right? I'm wearing a neckerchief! I'm a mach-o, mach-o man! Now let's see, what do those hippies do...make a fist and then they say something... Oh that dang, loud rock or roll music has me all confused...they say..."Power to those people"? Oh, I dunno, but dress-up is fun! And these matching sweater vests are so smart! Wait 'til the boys down at the lodge get a load of us, all suited up like hippies at a music carnival show. What a hoot!

Oh, and look! There's more! What fun.


He: Watch this, hon, you're gonna love it! It's hilarious: "I'm shagarific, baby. Am I making you happy? Yeah!"

She: Oh my gosh, you are SO. FUNNY. That's "Austin Powell", right? You crack me up! You're like, the funnest guy I know. I wanna try, too! Ok. Here goes: "Judo chop! This is my bag, baby." Ahahaha, oh, I'm such a card!

"Hip To Be Square" by Huey Lewis And The News.

Friday, August 21, 2009

My Aqua Blue Heaven: Heat Wave


Welcome to another Aqua Blue Heaven Friday! My inspiration this week was born from the sluggery and slackishness that summer heat brings. When it's too hot, that means the motivation for carrying out dull and meaningless adult tasks like working come to a screeching halt. I have 3 air conditioners running and somehow it's still only lukewarm-feeling in here. What gives?! I demand an arctic blast of freezy arctiness when I come home, you bastard air conditioners! Sorry environment, you'll have to take one more for the team. (Furthermore, I do my fair share of enviro-friendly crap around this dumb earth, so lay off with the lectures, pleaseandthanks. Not you guys, of course. The damn hippies.) And I know, enough already with the "Wah! It's hot. Wah! Its summer." I've turned into one of those people that *I* mock for complaining about the weather, when there's not a dang thing you can do about it. I am ashamed. Still, it's REALLY FREAKING HOT. There. I'm done now.

What's not only really good but really stinkin' cute in weather like this is a vintage 50's cotton skirt! I've been wearing them and simple 50's cotton sundresses all week. I'd rather get a full-frontal assault of icy air from an air conditioner that worked, but cute vintage summer pieces are a good second. So this week's theme is the vintage 50's cotton skirt! Cool novelty prints, and of course, touches of aqua blue!


Vintage 50's Ribbon Stripes Skirt.


Vintage 50's Sequined Mexican Tourist Circle Skirt.


Vintage 50's Circus Novelty Print Circle Skirt.


Vintage 50's Cowboys & Cowgirls Square Dance Novelty Print Skirt.


Vintage 50's Asian Fishing Boat Novelty Print Circle Skirt.

"Heat Wave" by Martha and the Vandellas

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Where Is My Mind?

Oh, Spinnerin. I love you so. They're like crack to me, so full of the crazy. For those not in the know, vintage Spinnerin manuals are pattern & instruction booklets for making various kinds of crap by knitting it into a sweater. The sweaters themselves aren't what's nuts about them, in fact, the sweaters usually kick all kinds of ass and I would hoard them all if I had them in real life. It's the photo documentaries of the models in them that are so ridiculously stupid and make no sense. That makes them wonderful. I've mocked vintage Spinnerin magazines here before- I wouldn't say I'm totally obsessed with them, only slightly. There's a difference.

Here's another great, 1966's Spinnerin: His & Hers, so now the crazy comes in female AND male form! Great. First, the cover.


Ooh, a summer scene! This should be fun AND fitting, since it's also summer! Yay! Ok. So. Let's see, what have we got here...Middle of the summer? Established that. Green murky water? I suppose. Maybe it's a lake. They get a pass, I suppose. Standing in green murky water with pants on? Umm, I guess...? What is that, like some random folding chair sitting in the water? Wha...? How very white trash of them. Fuzzy mohair sweaters in the middle of summer?!...Really?!


This is why you can't screw with the upper class.

Man: "I can't believe the Johnsons are yachting on the same day we are! How gauche. We can't take ours out now."

Woman: "And would you look at Edith! She looks positively ghastly in that pantsuit. It looks like 200 pounds of chewed-up gum shoved into double knit. So I guess using an entire can of Aqua Net to keep my beehive in place was for nothing. Damn that Edith. That cow."

Man: "That's alright dear. I've cut their gas lines, emptied their water coolers, broke their oars AND it looks like a storm is rolling in! And I've just stolen their only life preserver! Mwuhahahaha!..."


The cigarette is the only thing right with this picture.


So...I guess we're not on the lake anymore? Where the hell are they now? And why do the women keep changing? Does Captain Tightslacks have a broad stashed at every port, literally? Spinnerin, you lost me.

"Listen to this, honey! There's an echo when I yell down your sweater! Hello down there?! Hello!--o!-o!-o!-o!-..."

Ironically, the page is titled "Paired to Perfection." Ha!


Aaaaaand we're back on the water with the redhead now? That was fast. Captain Tightslacks prefers his women with a big rack, I take it? Soooo...a table in the middle of the lake? Perfectly reasonable.

"Where is my Mind" by the Pixies.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Way-Out Wednesday: Clowntime Is Over


Welcome to another Way-Out Wednesday, kids! I'm taking a slight hiatus from posting too many creepy-ass vintage dolls in a row. I don't want to spoil you. Instead, I'm heading back to an old favorite here in Way-Out land: the circus. And more specifically, the disgusting clown which IS ALWAYS SCARY NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY. They are. If they're not scary-looking, they're angry-looking. And if they're not angry-looking, they're pervy-looking, though I do prefer a perv clown to one that looks ready to suck your soul from your eye sockets.

So please "enjoy" this week's Way-Out Wednesday pick, this Vintage Circus Clown Painting.


"Step right up folks, and thanks for stopping by the Happy Family Fun Time Circus, right here in sunny downtown Compton! I'm Itchy the Clown, your MC for the evening. We have the second to lowest-rated circus around- so you know what that means? You could do slightly worse! My badly-burned hands don't permit me to perform my famous fire-juggling act anymore, but there's still plenty to see! Bring the kids to our petting zoo! Our giraffes have moderate cases of scoliosis, making it even easier fro them to bend down and eat pellets right out of your hand! Word of caution, though: we've had a small outbreak of rabies in the duck department, so they've been bound and gagged with balloon strings, but the kids can still look at them from a safe distance. Enjoy the elephant show, where they've been forced into submission by having their achilles tendons slashed by sword-wielding ballerinas! If fast-paced action and death-defying thrills are your game, then come on in to the acrobat tent! Give it up for our newest members of the family, Svetlana and Bogdana, straight from Russia! They don't let their fused-together bodies from an unfortunate Chernobyl accident get them down! Come on in and enjoy the show!"

"Clowntime is Over" by Elvis Costello.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Atomic Tuesday: Destination Moon


Welcome to this week's Atomic Tuesday! This week's inspiration came from, of all places, driving in the car. Inspiration usually comes from random places at random times, doesn't it? (Can I say "random" one more time like stupid, emo hipster? How random of me. Ha! Ok. Done.) Sometimes, when you're driving in your car, a song comes on the radio you haven't heard in eons and you can't help but sing your face off. I recently heard David Bowie's "Space Oddities" and I belted out that mofo like a drowning cat, but I don't care! Listen to my bad singing and love it, world! That song instantly took me back to being a kid in the 80's and that feeling filled me with glee, or something comparable. I don't know, I'm not good with "feelings" and "human emotions".

Having only AM radio in your car doesn't leave you many options as far as music selection goes, but I *lovelovelove* all kinds of music from all eras, so it's all good in the hood for me. (And hell no I won't replace the radio with a new one or start adding modern technology to my car like a cd player! Or a soccer-mom minivan-driving GPS! Or air conditioning! Sigh. I might sell out and bend on that one. In fact, I know I would.) The only downer of having AM radio is when all you can find is talk radio shows like "Cat Attack! The show all about cats!" OK, so I made that up, but it sounds like it could be a show. This week on Cat Attack: When painting your cat's toenails: do you go with "Jungle Cat Red" or "Kitteh Pink"? Phone in now to win a lifetime membership to Pussy Galore's House of Catnip!

So this week's Atomic Tuesday theme is in homage to that Bowie song that made me feel like a kid again. It's all about outer space today, baby.


Vintage 60's Space Needle Novelty Print Blouse. How frickin' frackin' cool is THIS?! Pink and Aqua SPACE NEEDLE? Check, please. I can only assume the World's Fair took place in Seattle, but fact-checking it too time consuming, so let's just go with it.


Vintage 50's Dinner Table Novelty Print Tablecloth. I'm not sure if you can make out the details, (it's not a great pic from the seller), but they're dinner tables. Flying through outer space. No, really. What was the designer's MO for this one?! Looks like someone mixed up their Valium and and gin rickeys again!


Vintage 50's Tom Corbett Space Cadet Record. For those who don't remember, Tom Corbett was a TV show in the 50's, based on a book from the 40's. I have no idea what a "space cadet song and march" sounds like, but I bet it rocks.


Vintage 70's Space Wars Towel. Hmm. Can't say I remember this "Space Wars" business. Was it a TV show? Movie? Or a cheap and generic "Star Wars" knockoff that your mom bought you from Kmart, hoping you'd think it was the same thing, because the actual Star Wars towel was too expensive? Moms. Scarring you for life with the emotional trauma of being mocked by your peers for having generic crap.

"Destination Moon" by Dinah Washington.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Hell Bent For Leather

When good cats are misunderstood, as told in this 1951 pulp fiction mystery novel by Dorothy Salisbury Davis.

Skirt: "Judas Cat?! Oh, Ju-u-u-u-das Ca-a-a-at! Where are you, you naughty kitty?!"

Suit: "Halt! I think I see Judas Cat! Be still, you silly woman!"

Skirt: "Golly! What makes you think its Judas Cat?! I'm just a girl, so I have no deductive reasoning skills of my own!"

Suit: "Ha ha, that's right dear. I see...a cat...And he's wait, it's hard to tell in the dark... he's leather assless chaps, a spiked collar and a ball gag, it IS you, Judas Cat! You're back!"

Skirt: "Now don't you ever run away again, do you hear me you bad little kitteh?! Even if this town IS full of hate for your...well, your "alternative lifestyle", we love you and I'll buy you as many riding crops as you want from now on, I promise. We love you, Judas Cat."

Suit: Now darling, you better turn that frown upside down. You know that worrying gives you wrinkles. And next to intelligence and fat, you know I don't accept wrinkles on my woman.

Skirt: Yes, dear.

*whispers to Judas Cat*: Judas cat, tomorrow I'll teach you "sic 'em."

"Hell Bent for Leather" by Judas Priest.