Happy Turkey Day!

Wishing you all the least family dysfunctional and most tryptophanic Thanksgiving Day ever!

I'm not sure if I'll be back in time to post friday's weekly theme or not (depending on the level of poultry hangover and such), but if not, I'll be back this Sunday as regularly scheduled. In the meantime, enjoy these photos from Macy's Thanksgiving Days past! (Warning, there's 10 pics ahead.) Macy's was known for some pretty epic floats, people. EPIC.

Happy Turkey/Turducken/Tofurky Day!

To all my American friends: Happy Thanksgiving! To everyone outside of the US: Happy...Random...Thursday? Whatever. I wish you all a wonderful day with your friends and family, as dysfunction-free as possible. Don't forget the Advil.

I will leave you with some fun facts- do with them what you will: Did you know that November is National Peanut Butter Lovers Month? And National Pomegranate Month? And National Impotency Month? It's always nuts and fruits and wangs around here, isn't it?

Have a swell day, everyone!

Way-Out Wednesday: "I Am A Turkey. Kill Me."

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I thought it was only appropriate to make this Way-Out Wednesday turkey-themed. So first, let me say that I am aghast (aghast, I say!) at the lack of Thanksgiving-themed vintage kitsch out there in the world. Second, let me say I am aghast (aghast, I say!) that no one bought this Vintage 1981 Thanksgiving Turkey Pin. It's the right thing to get you in the mood to scarf down mass amounts of poultry, is it not?






The very first thing I thought when I saw this & read his shirt wast: "So? You want a prize or something? Arrogant-ass turkey."

Then I was all: "Ohhh, I get it. It's a late 70's/early 80's thing, calling people "jive turkeys" like Fred Sanford. AND he's a turkey. Funny. Clever. Ironic. Whoop-dee-doo."

Then I went into: "Aww, but look at his sad widdle eyes. He knows what's about to go down in the farmyard. Poor guy."

Then after an appropriate amount of time kicking myself in the ass for feeling sorry for a piece of molded plastic jewelry from the 80's, I went into immediate Evil Mode and thought: "You know, those friends of his are probably being yakked up by Snots the family dog under the dinner table right about now."


So what's your verdict? Funny and joketacular? A PETA-happy way to get everyone in a bummer mood for Thanksgiving? An ironic gift to present to your dinner host? Too pathetic to even look at? Just a stupid piece of plastic and stop over-analyzing it already? You be the judge. My verdict: I happen to love it. Then again, I happen to love calling my friends and family mildly verbally-abusive pet names like "jerks", "losers" and from now on: "turkeys."

99 Problems

Today starts the countdown to the big day, the day of the stuffed bird and unbuttoned pants. Also known as Thanksgiving Day to my North American homies. But don't be hatin', England. Hate the game, not the playa (ha! I haven't dropped that gem in a long time.) Even though Thanksgiving Day is a big ol' historical "FU" to England, you know we still love you UK, what with your charming accents and bad food. (But what the hell is up with lamb & mint flavored chips? Sorry, lamb and mint flavoured crisps? That's just plain wrong, right there.)

So today, instead of being the usual crabby, grumpy, sarcastic, pain in the ass as I usually am in blog-form, I'm going to be a crabby, grumpy, sarcastic, pain in the ass, but thankful. I could be one of those people who go on about how thankful they are for their kids and family and good health and they believe the children are our future, but you and I know that the other 364 days of the year those same people complain endlessly about their damn weenie kids, their lazy slob of a husband who hasn't worked a job in 4 years and won't shut their faces about their Irritable Bowel Syndrome. So I won't do that. Nay, instead I'll make a list of random things I'm grateful for.

1.) I am thankful that I've never had leprosy. I pretty much like most of my body parts and don't want to see them fall off. Although I wouldn't mind if some of the junk in my trunk region fell off. Or better yet, just shape-shifted to a different part, say, the rack region. I could be just like the liquid metal guy from Terminator 2! Only slightly less robotic in nature.

2). I am thankful for Time Life Classics' late night infomercials. You know, the ones that run for half an hour and are hosted by washed-up musicians and their co-host of some random nobody who is half their age. Really rockin' hosts like Peter Noone. Those are great to watch when you can't sleep, if nothing else than for the pure cheese factor. Man, they're lame. But man, I love 'em. Last night's was not particularly entertaining, sadly. It was the commercial for "Classic Soft Rock"- who can forget the enchanting harmonies of Seals and Crofts' "Summer Breeze" or the dazzling memories of getting a root canal in the mid 80's to Kenny Loggins' "This Is It"?

3. I am thankful that it now only costs about $25 to fill up my car, as opposed to the 50-odd bucks it did a month ago. Now I have more money to get those custom seal skin seat covers and bald eagle windshield wiper cozies for the '09 Cadillac Escalade I'm saving up for. And if prices continue to fall, I'll have the dough for 24k gold rims with baby elephant tusk clackers on them. And for that, I am truly grateful.