Way-Out Wednesday: Mrs. Brown You've Got A Skanky Daughter.

Welcome to Way-Out Wednesday!




You know you had a fan-flipping-tastic night of partying your face off when you find a decapitated head, dubious stains and a dead hooker in your hot tub the next morning:



Maybe we're just seeing this Vintage 50's Naughty Ashtray at a weird angle. Maybe it's not as bad if we saw it from another angle...





Nope. Still a dead hooker.

Atomic Tuesday: Devil Without A Cause

Welcome to Atomic Tuesday, my little sweet peas!





Today's vintage pick isn't so much "atomic" as it usually is as it's "really, freakishly stinkin' awesome", so dig that.

Today's pick is vintage shoes. We haven't rocked the fancy footwear in a while, so it's high time we did. Not just any shoes, though. Glorious, freakishly stinkin' awesome shoes. And not heels! I know that's what you were probably expecting was heels, amIright or amIright? I thought so.



Behold the fabulosity called Vintage 50's Red Rockabilly Flats offered by Etsy seller Luxete:




Are they not the coolest?! Look at those flame-like, devil horns! Mwuahahahaha! Fear Satan's Slippers- if you dare!....mwuahahahaha...Yeah, OK, whatever. So they're not, like, evil or anything, but I do love their slightly wicked lines and de-lish red hue! (Also: they're a pretty sinister wee size 6.5. If you can fit into them, then you're more unholy than I figured you for. Well played, small-feeted ones, well played. I've got my eye on you.)


And you know what else kind of rules? The box. Because I'm a sucker for cute graphics and the box has some beotch doing the international sign for "shh". (Although it looks more like she's getting finger-poked in piehole than whispering.)But also because they're called "Whisper Steps", so I guess they're good for sneakin'. And when is that bad?

Happy Birthday, Jayne!

Today, April 19th, is Jayne Mansfield's birthday. The little filly would've been 77 years old today. 77! It's hard to imagine her old, much like trying to imagine Marilyn old. It's just impossible. Maybe that's why both beauties were fated to pass away at such young ages and much too soon, allowing us to always remember them as being eternally youthful and beautiful.



We all know Jayne was the "poor man's Marilyn", being less talented than her constant-comparison Marilyn, but more known to portray the "sexy blonde bimbo" role. The truth is, she was the exact opposite of her public image. She was actually quite brilliant, spoke numerous languages fluently and was a classically-trained pianist and violinist...



...Yet we're just so much more interested in those damn boobs, aren't we?




Of course, her most recognized claim to fame was her role in the 1956 rock & roll movie The Girl Can't Help It. You probably think that's the whole reason behind the name of this blog, right? Or maybe I'm just obsessed with a 2nd rate pinup? Not so much. I have a stronger connection to Jayne than just the name of a Little Richard song. I was born & raised in the wee town of Pen Argyl- the very town where Jayne is buried. Her parents and Aunt Helen were natives to Pen Argyl and she spent much time there visiting her aunt. (Aunt Helen died in 2005 in her 90's and is buried next to Jayne.) It's our town's claim to fame and I suppose, in a way, mine. I might not have that amazing of a connection to her as you had hoped. But when you grow up your whole life with someone larger-than-life like Jayne integrated into it, she feels more like family to me than a dead actress I never met. And to me, that's more amazing than anything.



So happy birthday, Jayne! Thank you for piquing my interest in old movies at a young age. Thank you for starting my love, appreciation, education and obsession for vintage fashion. Thank you for inspiring me in more ways than you know.

Prints Charming Sunday: Cluck You.

Welcome to Prints Charming Sunday!




This week's vintage novelty print is a little odd (well aren't they all, really? Isn't that the whole point of a novelty print, is to be a little wacky and not-sense-making? I'm telling myself to shut up already now.) I'm uber charmed by this week's pick. Maybe it's the pink/yellow color combo that's going on. Maybe it's because it's so delicate and girlie-looking. Maybe it's because it's got chickens with roses in their mouths. Yep. That's the reason.




So, OK, the roses aren't really in the chickens' mouths. But it sure would be a lot cooler if they were. (Tango chickens? Awesome.) Nonetheless, chickens and roses makes no sense and how could you not love that?!




This nonsensically awesome Vintage 60's Bird Print Blouse is currently available for a very sensical $28 from Etsy seller Silly Rabbit Vintage.

Aqua Blue Heaven Friday: Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Jail Time.

Welcome to Aqua Blue Heaven Friday!




Don't you hate it when the last song you heard on the car radio gets stuck in your head for eternity? That happened to me this morning and you know what I learned? I learned there are apparently 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. You could

1.) Just slip out the back, Jack
2.) Make a new plan, Stan
3.) Don't need to be coy, Roy
4.) Hop on the bus, Gus
and
5.) Just drop off the key, Lee


Really, Simon and Garfunkel? That is your sage advice? Those are my options?! Well that sucks. Thanks for all your no help, jerks. My advice would be a little more fruitful, I think. I'd suggest something more along the lines of "Just stab him in the head, Fred" or "Superglue his junk to his belly, Nelly" but apparently you have to be a slightly depressing, brillo-haired, Hobbit of a folk-singing duo in order to give advice, so ignore my suggestions. If you're planning on leaving your lover- you know, or taking a vacay, whatevs- then perhaps this would be more appropriate (plus, it wouldn't lead to 20 to life or becoming someone named Big Shirley's bitch):






This super cute Vintage 60's Aqua Floral Suitcase is new old stock and has never been used. (Bonus!) Suitcase is currently available on Etsy from seller Beppie Bags. (Although, I still recommend to just "Set his trailer on fire, McGuire".)

Way-Out Wednesday: Like A Gay Tarantella

Aww, hearts really *will* "play tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay,
like a gay tarantella." Dean Martin sure knew a thing or two about a thing or two. Especially about lovin'. Sweet, sweet lovin'. Big ol' manly lovin' with Mike Brady sideburns, long hot pokers, tousled Farrah Fawcett hair and a side of sizzling crotch beans. Ahh, amore.






Many thanks to Etsy seller The Spectrum Vintage for offering this awesomely hilarious Vintage 70's Apron/Mitt/Chef's Hat Simplicity Pattern #6440.

Atomic Tuesday: Time Keeps On Slippin', Slippin', Slippin'...

Welcome to Atomic Tuesday!





First, let me say that I have no idea why "Prints Charming Sunday" didn't post this past Sunday! Or why I didn't even notice it until today. (Oh wait, I can answer that one: because I've been distracted by shiny things lately and not notice-y of things.) Still, I blame blogger for it's malfunction-iness, and like I always say: always try to blame someone else for crap going wrong when you can. It's the right thing to do.

Second, since time sucks for me these days- as in: I have none of it lately (OK, more like I'm just exceptionally bad at managing it), I thought it apropos to do a clock theme for today! I do so have a thing for kitschy vintage clocks--come to think of it, have I been showing off too many clocks lately? Are you bored with all the clock action? If so, the staff here at the Girl Can't Help It want you to feel free to lodge any complaints. Management wants you to feel secure in knowing all letters will be read and action will be taken against complaints... Which probably means no action will be taken at all. In fact, I'd make sure your grammar and punctuation are correct or else your letters will be published for public pointing, laughing and extreme mocking.


Onward to our clocktacular Atomic Tuesday theme!

(All clocks are currently available from Etsy sellers- click each link to get to each one. Obviously.)





Vintage Howard Miller Clock. (So sputniky!)





Vintage Seth Thomas Atomic Clock. (It's yellow! But looks like an orange slice!)





Vintage Elgin of Germany Clock. (Avocado green! Fat and stumpy little hour hand! Oh. Sorry. "Fat and stumpy" isn't PC. I meant to say it's "vertically and weight-challenged.")