Way-Out Wednesday: Like A Gay Tarantella

Aww, hearts really *will* "play tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay,
like a gay tarantella." Dean Martin sure knew a thing or two about a thing or two. Especially about lovin'. Sweet, sweet lovin'. Big ol' manly lovin' with Mike Brady sideburns, long hot pokers, tousled Farrah Fawcett hair and a side of sizzling crotch beans. Ahh, amore.






Many thanks to Etsy seller The Spectrum Vintage for offering this awesomely hilarious Vintage 70's Apron/Mitt/Chef's Hat Simplicity Pattern #6440.

Atomic Tuesday: ShaNaNa NaNa Na NaNa Na, ShaNaNa NaNa

"Hey there, groovy chicks. You're all hep in far out ways!" It's Atomic Tuesday here, and I'm thinking it's a Brady Bunch kind of day. Something I didn't think I'd ever say, (let alone on Atomic Tuesday!), because let's face it, the Brady's are the most annoying bunch of butt-kissing, brown-nosing, goodie-goodie, straight-A's-getting, pain in the asses. Yet, they too are hep in a far-out, retro kind of way now, so I'm not hatin'. (Except Jan and her stupid knee socks and personality crisis. And Cindy with her awkward, ignored lisp. And Mike with his sexy white dude 'fro. And Carol with her intoxicating mullet. And ... you know? Let's move on.)

So I came across these vintage 60's/70's Orange & Green Starburst Plastic Drinking Glasses and I felt the Brady inspiration.




I love that the name of these plastic cups is "hi-kool glass":



I love when things are spelled "kool". It's like they're trying really hard to convince you that it's got mad street cred and totally awesome, just because it's spelled in a hep, far-out way. Don't they remind you of the Brady's kitchen somehow? Speaking of glasses, I also feel inspired to say: "Glasses?! Oh, no, mom! Not glasses! They'll make me look absolutely positively goofy!"

Surfin' Bird

Just a teaser to let you know that tomorrow I'll be posting the goods for June's Vintage Giveaway. Yay! Joy! Rapture! Wanna know what the giveaway is? Well too bad, I'm not telling until tomorrow! But here's a hint:



Can you guess from that seemingly random picture of the Brady Bunch in Hawaii? What do you mean no? I'm so disappointed in your lack of guessing skills. In the meantime, pass the poi mahalo and enjoy some time with the Bradys.



Look at that stupid weenie Bobby and his conch bong.




That Mr. Brady, he sure is a shiny piece of permed, polyester ass. He puts the ho in Don Ho. Also, this is why men should never wear flip flops. Not even on the beach. Men should wear socks and boots at all times and never should a flash of foot be seen. Except you, Mike Brady. You and your smart, knit twin sets can wear flip flips anytime you want.




Speaking of stupid fashion choices, you know, it's really a good thing the boys packed their tight corduroy slacks, long sleeve denim blouses and double knit Dacron sweaters on their vacation to go spelunking in a tiki cave by themselves like a bunch of naive dumbasses that they are in the middle of the jungle. In the dead of summer. In Hawaii. God, I forgot how much I hate the stupid Brady family.





"Surfin' Bird" by The Trashmen

Please Don't Eat The Daisies

Did you ever notice how you start to become a "collector" of certain crap that you didn't even mean to start collecting but it just sort of happens when you tend to keep buying the same thing even though there's really no need for it? (And could I have made that sentence any longer and harder to understand? And I could I sound any more like Chandler Bing right now?) For instance, for me, I have a thing for vintage lamps and odd furniture (like that circa 1960 cylinder vinyl bar I talked about not too long ago). But you know, if the price is cheap enough, you can't not buy it, right? It's not like an odd piece of 50's furniture comes along too often, so I buy it and then complain that this place has gotten too damn small and there's no room and whine, whine, whine, bitch, bitch, bitch. So that brings me to what I seem to be unintentionally collecting of late, and that is vintage curtains. I have zero need for the ones I buy, in fact, they tend to not even be the right size or colorway to match anything, but I don't care, for they fill me with glee! And I may throw out my victory jazz hands! Huzzah! (Ok, not really, I don't glee over too many things, and who the hell says huzzah anyway, but you get the point.)


So enter my latest curtain "score"? You be the judge. I nabbed 2 different pair for el cheap-o at the antique mall across the street, they match absolutely nothing and are borderline fug. I say they're awesome in their wrong-ness, my Dad took one look at them and said it looked like a Brady exploded in my living room when he saw these:



I love, luv, lurve lime green. I love how the flowers are drawn cartoon-y. I don't love the Brady thing going on with the them and it clashes with the entire rest of my hiz-ouse, which doesn't span much past 1960 in decor. I don't love huge florals because they remind me of the whole shabby chic country house thing and shabby chic, my dear friends, makes me wanna cut a bitch.

And then there's this pair, which regrettably I couldn't get a decent enough full-length picture of, what with their highly reflective and glossy, sharkskin-esque man-made and probably highly flammable material. These are way awesome in an aqua and green color combo and atomic-y doodads.



However there's only one window these fit in and that's in the bathroom, which happens to be done in the original flesh tone-meets-salmon tile:



Since my little mint green ranch was built in the 40's and has mostly all the original fixtures and whatnots, I would never dream of painting over that fugtastically-colored tile! So I guess clash-o-rama will have to resume for now, until I get my decorating shit together. Are these too ugly to live and should I sell 'em instead? Should I give them the old "it's not you, it's me" speech and send them packing? Is my being all hopped up on Zyrtec and Pamprin impairing my judgement?




"Please Don't Eat The Daisies" by Doris Day.