Music To Be Murdered By

Shopping online for something specific can be so stab-inducing in a way that I cannot describe. Oh wait yes I can- it makes me go berserker from all the stupid out there flooding my shopping experience with the crazy-making. I was on a quest for a funny little bowling shirt for myself of the real vintage variety and WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, DADDY-O's? Seriously, bowling shirts with freaking martini glasses or Elvis or *enter any other 50's cliche image here* is a CRIME of fashion, a toilet flush and a bitch slap to the vintage world. Not that I get my hate on with Daddy-O's, because they do sell some covetable dresses and are in fact making a living peddling their wares and props to them for living the American dream. But in reality, WHAT mafioso type in the 50's and 60's EVER wore bowling shirts when they were not in fact, oh I don't know, BOWLING?! And when in fact, did they ever wear bowling shirts with FLAMES AND DICE on them?! Oh, my heart will most certainly NOT go on.


Don't hate me because I'm an Italian Cliche.


Because I'm a loser and don't have HBO and have to watch HBO shows like the Sopranos when they finally come to TNT on basic cable 3 years after the show is over, I'm only now discovering the wrongness of mob fashion and James Gandolfini, you are now on MY LIST. I blame you for brainwashing today's youth into thinking that Today's Modern Mafia dresses even remotely cool and old school when they, in fact, wear VELOUR JUMPSUITS. Call me crazy, but I don't think JLo had you guys in mind with her line of track suits. I do wish TMM would take a cue from the Sopranos and their faux rat pack-esque style and help the vintage community out and actually start rocking shark skin suits and panel shirts again and REPRESENT. Don't you joiks remember Dean Martin and 2 tone shoes and Banlon and the Cool Gangster Lingo? And for the love of god, WHO WILL THINK OF THE PINKY RINGS?


Just say no to repros, kids. Once you get hooked, there's no going back. Do it up right, in real sleazeball fashion. Check out some shirts from yours truly at Fast Eddie's Retro Rags.





This one's coming soon, hold your horses you filthy animals.