My (Aqua) Blue Heaven Friday: Summer Wind

Welcome to this week's (Aqua) Blue Heaven Friday! Apparently it's summer everywhere across the country right now, except for us in the Northeast. Heat? Pssh, surely you jest. What is this "heat" of which you speak? Come to the beautiful northeast this summer, where we offer you grey skies, drenching downpours and now for the kids to play with: deer ticks brimmin' with Lyme Disease! But that's not all! We also have...mosquitoes! Lots and lots of mosquitoes. But kids aren't the only ones who can have fun: For you adult tourists, we made sure our mosquitoes come with extra West Nile disease! I think we must be getting punished for being the meanest states in the country. Or it's karma. Or it's all just a coincidence. I heard the rest of the US is pretty much blazing-ass hot, so with you guys in mind, I found something way awesome that may help your cause. I give you: the vintage aqua electric fan.




50's Eskimo Desk Fan.






50's Refurbished Eskimo Fan.






50's Cute Little Desk Tabletop Fan.






This one kicks so much ass because it's industrial-sized! Good for someone in Texas, where everything is bigger. (Did you see that joke right there? You know, because they say everything is bigger in Texas, and this fan is also big? Yeah, I know that was not even a remotely humorous joke. I'm coping with it.) 50's Dominion Brand Big Ol' Fan.






I had no idea there was such a beast as an electric window fan in the 50's! Did you know?! You lie, you did not. This is seriously so cool and I think I may be in lurve with it- it's a buttload better than the fug white plastic ones from Target that stop working after 2 days. Or gets filled with dead bugs and spider webs. Actually, that might not be so much of a product defect as it is my own lack-of-cleaning-the-fan defect. 50's Window Fan.




"Summer Wind" by Sinatra, 'natch.

Way-Out Wednesday: Risque Business

It seems like I've been shoo-ing the menfolk away lately with warnings of girlie talk about sewing and salad and feeling unfresh... (Are you guys cringing yet, remembering that awkward moment when you were watching TV with your mom and a Summers Eve commercial came on? Hell, I'm a girl and I wanted to die when that happened.) Well today, I'm gonna do you guys a solid and make this Wednesday about something you'll probably really dig. And yes, there are hooters involved and for once, they're not owls.

So today's theme is a prime example of era-accurate, borderline-sexist kitsch: the risque novelty. It's a man's world today at the Girl Can't Help It! Enjoy it while it lasts, men, because tomorrow we're talking about fabric swatches and bloating.

It's possibly a little NSFW, just a warning...












Oh, so this Vintage 50's "How to Draw" Book from 1958 teaches you how to correctly and accurately draw "the human figure" and "proportion" and "the skeleton"? Riiiight. If by all of those things they mean "giant knockers", then yes, you too can learn how to draw.






Hot butts and sparkly boobs. Need I say more about this Vintage 50's Pinup Ashtray.






For the pervy golfer who likes a little T&A on the green (and who doesn't?): this Vintage 70's Novelty Nude Golf Tees, sure would help him "keep his eye on the ball..." Nice slogan.






As you can imagine, I've never been one to join in those painfully cheesy games you have to endure at wedding showers- you ladies will know what I mean: decorate the bride in toilet paper, everyone wears garters on top of their clothes, have a "who can eat novelty Wedding Night edible underwear the fastest...THOSE hokey games. And the hokey novelty gifts are equally dreadful. But I'd make an exception for these Vintage 50's Drink Coaster Set. Garters and jock straps for your glasses. Pure cheese with a side of corn.






You know how you're always thinking to yourself: "I would love it if my girlfriend dressed like a 1962 waitress at the Playboy Bunny Club, but how?" Well now, thanks to this revolutionary Vintage 60's Novelty Cuffs, Collar & Tie Set, she can! Make sure to slap her on her ass and threaten to leave her a small tip- they love that. Thanks Hugh!

Atomic Tuesday: Stool Sample

(Oh yeah. I went there. Gross, I know. But you loved it.)

Every once in a while I go through a "I hate the setup of my furniture, I should rearrange it and feng shui the crap out of it, but I'm so sick of moving crap around, dear jebus burn it down so I can start all over again, just kidding jebus, don't really burn it down, but if you could do something about my neighbor's cat in heat and all the meowing in the middle of the night, I sure would appreciate it, thanks" phase. Know what I mean? Oh come on, like you never go through elaborately-worded and muddled thought-processed phases like that before. Well I do and I don't love the current furniture situation. More specifically, I don't love that when I watch TV, I have no place to prop my feet. Sure, the coffee table works, but I yell at everyone else who does that, so I'm reserved to coffee table-proppage for when no one is around to bust me in my own hypocrisy. Jerks. So I've been thinking a little ottoman or foot stool action is needed. My quest for anti-hypocritical feet furniture found a few pretty kickass vintage 50's and 60's examples. And so for this Atomic Tuesday, I give you today's Stool Samples. (Oh come ON, is it TOO still funny.)




Not literally "atomic" per say, but this vintage suede mid-century modern stool is still pretty rockin' and it has hairpin legs, which are covet-y.





This vintage 50's vinyl stool has the most amazing print! It makes me want drapes in that pattern. Or a dress. Or a couch. Or anything.





This vintage 60's swivel stool is cool in it's basicness, and though you can't tell, is covered in cool fabric. Plus hello, it swivels?! Super swell. (Side note: I keep getting distracted by that green/blue ashtray candle holder dealie on the table. I see it out of the corner of my eye and think it's a Windex bottle they forgot to put away. Is it just me? Probably.)





This vintage 50's storage stool is by far my most favorite. The pattern on the vinyl is rockin' and has a hidden storage compartment under the lid, where you can hide crap! You can stash your smokes that you don't want your mom to find in there! Or a weekend's supply of Hubba Bubba! Or whatever it is that actual grownups need to store. I wish it was me-sized, so I could hang out in there, where no one could bother the crap outta me while I read my latest Encyclopedia Brown.

Song Sung Blue

Today we're going to take an in-depth look at the neglected and unloved home life of the vintage knit and crocheted afghan in it's natural, depressing habitat. Please keep all limbs inside the vehicle at all times. Do not feed, taunt, poke, mock, breath near or look at the afghans, as they have been known to throw fits of rage, and in rare occasions, try to sneak inside your handbag and make it's way into your home and onto your bed.

So without further ado, let's start the tour. Please enjoy today's lesson in:


The Sadness of Blankets.







We start our tour with the early stages of Afghan Neglect, as can be seen in this vintage 1948 Spinnerin instruction manual. The afghan starts out in life colorful and vibrant, unobtrusive in design, and quite possibly wrapped around it's owner on a cold winter's day on a rocking chair. But that life would soon begin it's decline to a much more sad and lowly outcome, which we will later witness...




Eventually, the blanket unknowingly becomes so annoying, so obtrusive in it's unearthly way of not matching a thing in the room, that even the fake floral arrangement tries to escape.




But instead of reflecting on it's offensiveness in dark corners of the room or stashed away in armoires, some blankets have been known to turn into bullies, violent toward it's fellow room decor such as bowls of wax fruit, and often times taking a hostage in a last-ditch attempt to be loved.




In some instances, a night of Jim Croce and and too many boxes of wine can turn a then good idea of Matching Afghan Fashion into guilt-laden "morning afters", and in the most extreme of cases, can cause a person to heave themselves out of a window, ending their life of shame and embarrassment.




For the most vile and unwilling to play with others, a few blankets meet their unfortunate death by getting speared in the gut by the very loom that made them, as seen in this vintage 1966 Spinnerin instruction manual, a perfect example of survival of the fittest in the Afghan Kingdom. A terrible ending, indeed, however...none as horrible, so terribly sad and depressing as...





...ending up at it's owner's yard sale for a buck.



I hope you enjoyed today's tour, and please join us next time, when we'll take a look at the Sadness of Souvenirs.






"Song Sung Blue" by Neil Diamond.

Happy July 4th!

"Wow girls, would you look at the size of these wieners?! We're gonna have ourselves a ball tonight!


I hope everyone has an amazing July 4th weekend! Eat, drink, be merry and blow shit up!...just don't be a dumbass about it- be safe, kids! I just realised that I completely forgot all about yesterday's Aqua Blue Friday post, but it'll resume as normal next Friday! Sorry about that. I know that Fridays are the bane of your existence and everything.

In the meantime, please enjoy some WWII-era 40's patriotic fashions, courtesy of the gals down at the USO.

She's Crafty

Recently I had the chance to do my first, all growns up interview here at The Girl Can't Help It headquarters. I was finally able to wear that fedora with the paper square in the band that says "press"! Last week I had a chance to talk with a fellow vintage clothing seller-turned-fashion-upcycler extraordinaire. Picture this:


It was hot that Thursday afternoon. Too hot. The kind of heat that not even the summer winds off the coast could chase away. So there I was, snakeskin platform heels kicked up on the oversized wood desk, staring at the round keys of the typewriter and wondering just what exactly was a "qwertyuiop". I was listless. Bored. The thrill was gone. The Metalcraft fan on top of the filing cabinets was spinning on low, and the wide wooden slats of the venetian blinds behind me cast long, black and white shadows on the wall, setting the stage for something cliche-ishly film noir-y about to happen. There was a knock on the door. I jumped up off my chair with such force that my unnaturally high-waisted pants gave me a wedgie that not even James Cagney himself could talk his way out of. In she walked. Why, it was none other than that crafty dame Hollis, of Past Perfect Vintage. She confessed to having the inside scoop about her new, one of a kind fashion line called eCouture by Jenkins & Evans, Recycled Clothing and was about to spill her story all over me like this morning's cup of joe. Of all the blogs, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine. And she was about to blow the case wide open...And where is that saxophone music coming from?!...I had questions, she had answers...


Where did you learn to sew and how long have you been sewing?

I learned basic seams from my mother. She was an excellent seamstress, and had a lot more she could have taught me. But you know how 13 year old girls are...impossible. So I learned how to construct garments in college on a work study assistantship in the Theatre Department. Then I learned pattern drafting and draping and more advanced stitching techniques in graduate school.



What different types of clothing do you make? Do you use modern or vintage patterns- or not follow a pattern at all? And what different materials/fabrics/notions do you use?

Generally, I want to make clothing women can wear every day. I am sure I will spread out into special occasion pieces, but my goal is recycled clothing that can be worn by the average women as a perfectly mainstream option. I do create my own patterns. I drape new parts as needed while recycling as much existing construction as possible.
I prefer natural fibers. It's me. It's how I am. I am reusing the acetate linings though. I debated relining garments in lightweight silk crepe, it's such a nice touch, but it just adds too much to the overall cost and labor. I also love old glass, wood and metal buttons. I do have to purchase interfacing and zippers occasionally, but that's the only 'new' thing going in the designs.



Are your pieces strictly modern in design or do you do vintage-inspired pieces? Or both?

Both. My design process consists of standing in a thrift store staring at a piece, wondering: why hasn't it sold? Why did it end up here? Can I solve the problem? Then I look for 2-3 pieces that work together on some level. After that it's just what comes to me. Since I am surrounded by period clothing in my studio and have been designing and building period costumes for a long time, styles of the past certainly influence the process. So there will be a touch of 50s here, a bit of 40s there. But I do want the end result to be indisputably modern.



Do you use vintage in any of your designs? If so, what eras of vintage clothing do you use in your designs?

I don't use vintage garments at all. I feel they have a value in their own right and should not be cut up or redesigned. I do use vintage buttons and hardware such as unused buckles that I have a stash of. Those range from Victorian to 1950s do dads.



Are your creations strictly one-of-a-kind or would you reproduce a design if someone asked?

Right now they are all one-of-a kind. I am working on some ideas that would rework similar garments for similar results. There are so many good wool women's suits out there that need a new purpose. And men's sport coats! The thrifts and resale shops are packed. So I am thinking about ideas for those that I could repeat. I could try to reproduce a design, but it would have to be a vaguely similar piece, not an identical one.



Do you do custom orders?

Not right now. So much of the process is serendipity it would be hard to promise anything very specific! And working over the Internet makes the kind of one on one collaboration with a client that is necessary difficult.



Would you do alterations (ie: size adjustments) to pieces you have up for sale? If so, do you charge extra for that?

You know, I considered the one size fits all approach and it doesn't appeal to me. Too much elastic. So I am alternating between specific size pieces and looser fits such as the Tangerine Floral Blouse that is bias cut and can be worn by a wide variety of sizes and still have a shape. I also build in room for alterations when I can. Since I am working with a finite amount of fabric in odd shapes, it isn't always possible. I can do alterations when there is fabric to work with and would charge a minimal fee. But I do think alterations are best done by someone who can see the garment on the client and adjust specifically to their figure.



Where do you get your inspiration?

Once, women worked hard to make one of a kind garments, then restyled and remade them to fit the times. Clothing was an investment. They valued the fabric and the labor. I take that attitude toward clothing, and hit the fashion history books, magazines, and the web. And of course, people watch. Then I throw the existing garments I have found on a mannequin, walk away and let the right side of the brain come up with a solution.



Do you have anything special in the works for the future (ie: a website, new designs, a type of clothing you never made before, etc.)

I am starting to mull over a winter line. I see wool in my future. And maybe a wedding dress. I am deeply considering a website after I get comfortable in the process.



Here are 2 of my current favorites from eCouture! I love that while they're very sleek and modern in line, you can see little elements of past eras in there as well. Rock and roll Hollis! Here's looking at you, kid.


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"She's Crafty" but the Beastie Boys.

Way-Out Wednesday: Tea For Two

(Menfolk, you may be bored stiff (I said "stiff", uh huh huh) and go deaf with all the clucking you're about to hear here. Now's a good time to go watch Married With Children or scratch something for a while. You've been warned.)

To all you crafty and sewing types: you all have a mountainous pile started, whether it's vintage clothing or whatnot, of things that need fixing and you swear one day you'll suck it up and sit down and just fix it already, right? Me too. I wear vintage every day that usually has some sort of flaw about it, because no one really buys flawed vintage, so it's not worth listing most of the time and I don't have the heart to throw it out. Also, I have no qualms whatsoever about wearing fuckedup intage, like a 50's cotton dress that's faded from too many washings or a sweater with a few moth chomps. But there gets to be a point where it's just seen better days and the hobo look ain't really cutting it. Not even hobos pull that look off. So what do you do? Me? If it's something that has a really kickass print or a great color or has some redeeming quality, I'll upcycle it into something else, like a pillow or a little clutch handbag or a whisky bottle cozy.

Same goes for random vintage curtains and linens that need a new purpose in life. Problem is, I start out with really great intentions of making something, usually to give to someone else, and then halfway through I'm either A.) bored B.) frustrated or C.) too drunk to go. And now that pile of "needs fixing" turns into "Kim is an ass and here's another halfway-done piece of god knows what crappy craft project thing to add to the pile, oh sweet jebus, please stop already because your follow-through sucks it big time and oh look, Good Times is on, sweet." True story: I have a novelty print tea towel that belonged to my Mom in the early 60's that says "To HELL with housework!" that has seen better days, so I have plans of adding that square of fabric to a simple 50's black full skirt. Because I like my clothing to say swears. Where is it right now? Safety-pinned to the skirt aaaand that's as far as it got! (PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one who does this and someone out there gets it and I'm not a big ol' wackjob after all?)

So today's Way-Out Wednesday is in honor oh my current project gone astray: the lonely ol' vintage tea towel. All of the killer vintage 50's tea towels below are available from the same seller on etsy, Call Me Jasper.



Message in a bottle! Fun! But now I could seriously tear into a bag of Goldfish crackers for some reason.




Crudites! Canapes! Hor d'oeurves! Finger food for fancy bitches!





Hmm, should I add one baby or two?





Where everybody knows my name. PS: I LOVE this one in ways that are almost unholy. So. Very. Unholy. The wanting. It hurts.





Bird in a top hat? Win! Champagne glass? Win! Bird in a top hat sitting on the champagne glass? Win! A million falling swizzle sticks? Infinity win!



"Tea for Two" by Doris Day, Frank Sinatra and about a million other people.